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What doesn't kill you makes you drink
Dear women: if you ever find yourself wondering if you're in an abusive relationship, you are definitely in one.
You know that moment when you realize that everybody is just a terrible person walking around trying to be less terrible and mostly failing
Easiest way to spot white people in clubs: they scream when journey comes on
Pro tip: don't change your wifi password when you're drunk
You know when you're wearing white jeans but you never really wear those so you mistake them for a napkin...
There comes a point in every young woman's life where "Kiss my ass" is no longer a threat...
Life is easier as an alcoholic
Haha you think I can afford to use a grocery cart?
It's existential crisis season
Been watchin a dude pick his nose at this bar for a whole 9 minutes. I wonder what he has up there
Very tired of stupid boys
Y'all all are the worst and u know it
Sorry not sorry 4 friendzoning
I will continue to believe in human interaction because what else do we have, really?
You know when you haven't played sports in 4 years and then you play some baseball and then you can't move for 6 days?
Mediocre House Party DJ, Food and Beverage Angel
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