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Easiest way to spot white people in clubs: they scream when journey comes on
Life is easier as an alcoholic
What doesn't kill you makes you drink
Pro tip: don't change your wifi password when you're drunk
Very tired of stupid boys
I officially feel uncool for not doing drugs :(
Absinthe will make you wake up with a couple bloody knuckles, missing shoes, feelings of shame and guilt, and no memory.
Shout out to the very, very loud bros trying to buy shrooms from 3 hippy girls on commercial drive right outside my window
GUYS I FOUND A BACHELOR SUITE AND IT'S ALL MINE 💃💃💃💃💃
I would literally marry anyone who brought me spaghetti right now
Pro tip: never lend your lighter to a dumb bitch sitting at your bar because she will pretend she lost it somehow
Still very drunk
Awkward moment when you realize you have nothing to live for
Guys guys guys I'm 2 secs away from passing out because of high qual absinthe plz plz help
Sorry not sorry 4 friendzoning
My kindness is not weakness or flirtation
Tapping into your sober mind when you're wasted is like tapping into that frozen shit that gets stuck to the sides of your freezer
Lol wake me up when a guy wants to be just friends
Been watching this guy try to convince his girlfriend to go down this playground slide for like 15 minutes
taking photos, mixing drinks, living for comedy.
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