@allinfuntx Eeewww. Send her over here for some fried chicken and cornbread.

@allinfuntx bitter with baggage (also a funny book, FYI!)

@allinfuntx awwwe, thanks. Means more coming from a favorite :)

It's so goddamn hottttttt 😓

Ooh you're 47 years old, unemployed AND in bankruptcy?? Let's get married!

Treva: what’s you’re name going to be in Vegas?
Me: Charlie cuz that’s my name
T: I still haven’t come up with mine yet
M: how about Treva?

I only buy lite salad dressing so I can use twice as much.

Low battery. Sweet.

Respect women. Always. Except in the bedroom. Then treat that bitch like a dirty whore.

Nonsense for the sake of nonsense is nonsense.

One, two, buckle my shoe. Three, four, you're a whore.

YOU don't know my life! pic.twitter.com/javoWGa9YU

*flicking the foreheads of all the annoying people in all the world*

Are medicinal blowjobs a thing yet?

I just completely lost the last 3 minutes. I either blacked out or lost my wifi signal. Im affraid i cant tell the difference.

Me: Plz go get mommys phone charger. 4: What will u give me? Me: I gave birth to u. 4: Whats birf? Me: Fine. Ill take u 4 ice cream later.

I could never b a telemarketer. Ive heard me talk to telemarketers. Im too sensitive for that shit.

@allinfuntx Guess who has a little guy that just made the local all star traveling soccer team?!? ;) Woohoo!!!

An atheist so sexist, racist, and hateful-I'd swear he's a Christian in disguise. *Block*

Never been married but I've heard a Taylor Swift song so I know the gist of it.