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Most of the time, I shower naked.
How do blind people know what they're looking at?
My oldest: Dad, want to get matching tattoos?
Me: Of what?
Her: A TRAMP STAMP!
Me: You're a bitch.
Your selfies are going to look great on my mantle.
Extend your stay by dying.
I can hardly wait until somebody else promises something to me that they don't really mean.
I mean.... I'm pretty hot, for a cool guy.
$200 to the first person to guess my name..... From the second person to guess my name.
Quick! Other than beer, what can I give up to lose weight?
ALSA normal yearly donations = $15M
American Cancer Society yearly = $943M
That's how important the stupid videos are to victims of ALS.
I only watch baseball for the chicks in the stands.
I'll change lanes to the right with my left blinker on.... IDGAF.
- The asshole in front of me
I am in direct conflict with this company as to how to get this work completed with the minimal number of resources.
Everybody stop this stupid fucking format.
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