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Gee, you seem mostly sane and happy. Here, let me kick you in the balls.
Okay. Stalkers take your places. It's almost shower time.
I think the worst thing I've ever learned was how to text.
Honestly, there's only approximately 4 of you that I want to see your tits.
Sometimes, giving up is just easier.
What part of "sitting at the end of the bar ignoring every word you say" tells you to keep engaging me?
I don't always hang out. But, when I do, it's in the ladies room.
I received a call from the head women's soccer coach from a Div 1 school... Concerning my 13yo daughter. First official call for us!
Healthy Eating Update - heating up some Spaghetti-O's with franks for lunch!
My followers are some of the worst stalkers ever.
Fuck it... Because, porn doesn't make itself.
Watching Jaws: The Revenge while on this conference call... Because, paying attention is overrated.
She better have a great personality, because her looks weren't shit.
Me to 24yo dude: Good job, boy.
Him: I'm not a boy. I'm a man.
Me: Just because you say so, doesn't make it so.
Funny! Did you think of that yourself?
No. No you didn't, you quote stealing motherfucker.
I think one of my cats ate something that didn't actually die until after it was digested. *gag*
I need assistance. What sounds good for breakfast?
I'm not above following based solely on your cleavage.
"Maybe she isn't batshit crazy!"
- Dudes lying to themselves
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