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More pictures of your cat, dammit! How else will we get to know you?
I have a stalker at work, who is highly concerned about what hours I'm working. I bet they don't see me in the morning at 3am testing shit.
Therapist: Let's start from the beginning.
Me: I can't afford that.
I'm not above knocking on your door to see if you're home, prior to digging through your trash.
Provoked or not, I'll throw down the Oreo jingle in a rap battle.
Sometimes, "let me think about it" is the best answer.
Goddamned wind messed up my beard.... Thanks, Obama.
So, are you 7 feet tall, or are all your friends midgets?
If I really cared about this job, I'd be wearing only a jock strap and a wife beater.
I should start building lists now, but I'm lazy.
Love is a battlefield... We'll, so is the buffet line, but we aren't singing about it.
I'm the blackest white guy I know.
Well.... That's relatively disgusting.
I know for a fact that I can go to the bathroom and still be late to your meeting.
You want something inspirational?
Suck it up, buttercup. This world isn't about just you.
I'm busy trying to remember the words to a song nobody's wrote yet.
I don't know how well I could fly, but I'm banking that it'd be better than a June Bug.
I don't know what that was flying around out here, but I beat the hell out of it.
Just a dude doing stuff... Like, moving along.
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