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I don't know what that pain in my neck is, but she should shut up.
Just when I think humanity has hit its lowest possible point, one of you motherfuckers end up in the news.
Awwww, how cute!? You actually think you're better than my wife. Go away, little girl.
There is only so much pickle juice one can drink without belching.
I'm pretty good at doing stupid shit.
I don't mean to brag, but I hate bragging.
People who say "is 5 o'clock somewhere!" don't understand clocks.
I'm going to have to close Twitter until that hashtag has run its stupid ass course.
At my age, it's just "school".
Sorry I didn't star your tweet. In my defense, it looked like poetry, and I didn't read it.
No. I don't expect many of you to even get that last tweet.
The only thing premature on me is my ventricular contraction.
It's not that I can and others can't..... It's that they're too stupid to recognize their potential.
You were a lot prettier before I saw your face.
How come nobody ever questioned how Pocahontas learned English so quick?!
It's almost time for the worst fans in college football to spell out Ohio with their bodies.
With the heart meds I'm on, all I have to do is shake my head to feel high.
I've been at rock bottom several times in my life. And, each time, nobody was there for me. Yet, I'm still there for everybody else.
Her tits sure look like fun.
Seriously, woman? You can't get laid? That's on you. I know guys... We'll fuck just about anything.
Just a dude doing stuff... Like, moving along... RAWR
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