Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
We should let the guy who named "platypus" name some more stuff.
Props to zombies for wanting a girl for her brains and not her body.
All the good Liam Neeson jokes are Taken.
When I arrived at my friend's house, I thought it would be funny to not text him but instead knock on the door like our ancestors did.
It's not socially acceptable to blow a french kiss at someone, apparently.
Shia LaBeouf sounds like something a french person would say after a rotten fart.
"Fuck it." - Guy who named the orange
There's no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
If I were a pirate with an eye patch, I'd make my smiley face like this .)
The dinosaurs died for your freedom.
Kanye West can't wait to be the best man at his wedding.
Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you're going to transfer me to someone who doesn't speak english?
Q: What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat?
A: Kicked outta the petting zoo.
Fuck it, I'm chasing waterfalls.
I hope I get a warning when I have 20% life left.
I'd like to replace this speed bump with the guy that invented speed bumps.
"Has anyone seen my dad?" - Waldo's son
Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore, like an idiot.
*tapes Mom's spaghetti to shirt*
BEST EMINEM COSTUME, EVER!!!!
*laughs uncontrollably for days*
Don't be fooled by my wallet chain, I'm an amazing surgeon.