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God is not spitting devil kittens that will eat your toes if you drive over 30mph. It's called RAIN.
The person in line in front of me at the drive thru Starbucks bought my drink. I don't know who it was, but it 100% made my day.
Teachers carrying guns is stupid. But in all seriousness, I wish they carried Tide sticks so those stains wouldn't set in.
Worth a read. The 47% are *all* of our neighbors, really. RT @burghbaby: Those Are My Neighbors You're Talking About http://t.co/zgGPN2jW
You know you're exhausted when it takes you the entirety of some Nickleback song to realize that you have the power to change the station.
As I was catching up on Twitter, Alex looked over my shoulder, saw @woycheck's profile picture and said, "It's the wiggles!"
If you drive over five miles per hour when it is snowing a tiny devil crab will eat your soul. That's why people can't drive in snow, right?
Sometimes I look at a total stranger and I can't help but wonder if they are on Twitter.
Wow, super impressed with @barmarcopgh. Sent an email asking about "No Menu Monday" and got a response within 10 minutes. Going on Monday!
Totally love that the same guy who wrote Thrift Shop did this in support of equality: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhlVBg7_08n0 …
I'm both JEALOUS and NOT AT ALL at all of the people with a newborn right now.:said while I drink wine and plan on sleeping 8 hours tonight:
To see...if she is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably, and reliably dead.
"Mommy, if I told you I could see dead people, would you believe me?"
Way to be creepy, kid.
Never leave the house without your ideal salary written on a folded up piece of paper.