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God is not spitting devil kittens that will eat your toes if you drive over 30mph. It's called RAIN.
The person in line in front of me at the drive thru Starbucks bought my drink. I don't know who it was, but it 100% made my day.
Teachers carrying guns is stupid. But in all seriousness, I wish they carried Tide sticks so those stains wouldn't set in.
You know you're exhausted when it takes you the entirety of some Nickleback song to realize that you have the power to change the station.
If you drive over five miles per hour when it is snowing a tiny devil crab will eat your soul. That's why people can't drive in snow, right?
Sometimes I look at a total stranger and I can't help but wonder if they are on Twitter.
Totally love that the same guy who wrote Thrift Shop did this in support of equality: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhlVBg7_08n0 …
I'm both JEALOUS and NOT AT ALL at all of the people with a newborn right now.:said while I drink wine and plan on sleeping 8 hours tonight:
Lordy, some people sure are negative nellies.
To see...if she is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably, and reliably dead.
"Mommy, if I told you I could see dead people, would you believe me?"
Way to be creepy, kid.
Never leave the house without your ideal salary written on a folded up piece of paper.
Shit, we DO have fewer horses and bayonets. How can we fix that?!
20-something mom and pediatric registered nurse in Pittsburgh, PA.