Deliberately not eating all day so you get drunk faster, is my tip to beat the recession and obesity.

A relationship without smoking hot, raw, untamed sex is a friendship and well.. Fuck that

Guy with over plucked eyebrows and a false tan is trying to tell me these size 10 stripper shoes r for his gf.. Yea yea. Threw in some lube

My kid just asked the Burkah woman why she was fat if she was a ninja.
Justice.
True

Nothing says it's summer in Scotland like the smell of charring gingerhaired people....

I need to be hate fucked.

Don't judge about me tweeting and driving, my other job is an Apache Gun Ship pilot. This is small potatoes.

Just because I'm addicted to you, doesn't make me needy. It does however make you lucky as fuck.

Soo the lesbian orgy went well today.... Pretty sure I could use a man about now though, kinda feels like riding Velcro after a while.

Fucking rad idea for my new avi!!
MY TITS!!!!
I know?!!! Awesome. Dunno it just came to me there.
I'm a fucking pioneer round these parts

"Camel toe check, ass eating up panties check. Fuckin smokin!" - fatties checking the mirror before leavin the house in leggings
Probably

Johnny Walker tastes better straight from the bottle and at this time of the day. Who knew? Dont judge I'm the boss and I'm Scottish. cheers

Nipple claims??? Yea?? FUCK YOU IPHONE??? Clamps, fucking clamps. Nipple clamps. Jesus, fuck..

I know when I'm in the garage fighting it out with my punchbag, my neighbours think I'm having angry sex so I throw in a few of "fuck yes's"

I fucking hate you, you fucking retarded, pickled, bastarding let down...
Me: to my brain, reading all your tweets that shoulda been mine.

Still trying to decide if I should drive to the bank machine tipsy, or just pay my dealer with sex....... Again.

Funny how my bf's all over the threesome idea until I introduce him to Dave.

I'd probably have way more followers if I wasn't so into Anal, great at blow jobs, and game for 3somes.
Them the blows man...

If you just star every single tweet of mine, even the shit ones.
I assume you want in my pants.

Because that's how i play
:))

My fucking jeans couldn't be any tighter and still no camel toe!!
How in the fuck do I do that.
I want one