I like pretty mouths that say dirty things.

Having big boobs lets me get away with having a big mouth.

My body is a temple - weed, cum, & cash offerings only.

Shut up! I'll smoke after a workout if I damn well please. I don't exercise because I want to be healthy, I exercise because I'm vain.

I'm sad. Someone come rub their boobs in my face.

Fuck a hug - I need 8 inches and a ball gag.

Some of the best foods are phallic shaped. Coincidence? I think not!

I'm slightly bipolar. So, basically, I cry about twice as much as a normal chick and am five times more likely to slash your tires.

Can you taze a mockingbird?

I don't get it either. Just go with it. ~ Me, after actually listening to something I've said

6 orgasms + 4 bite marks + 1 black eye = Kick ass good morning sex

"Bless your heart," is just a Southern way of calling you a fucking idiot to your face, I don't really mean it.

Whenever I see a man buying cucumbers I'm always tempted to toss some KY into his cart.

I'd disown my kids for being Yankees fans before I'd disown them for being gay.

Chasing melatonin with a martini so I can be productive in 5 hours.

I'm not above subtweeting a Philly Cheesesteak.

I started yoga for the health benefits. I stuck with yoga for the sex positions.

I won't make you a sandwich after sex, I'll pack you a bowl & prepare you for Round 2.

I'm not faking an orgasm, we can practice until you get it right...or I find another AA battery.

I was going to do a shot for each poor soul who decided to follow me but there are too many of you! Dirty martinis instead.

Thanks guys!