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If you can’t pronounce it, you can’t have it.
I don't like online shopping for lack of immediate gratification, but I realized if I order stuff everyday, packages start coming everyday.👌
My mom just said, "Let's go to Nike today and buy things so we don't get fat!" I'm not quite sure that's how it works, but I like free Nike.
I only wear a seat belt while taking selfies.
Maybe she was born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Either way, that mustache is really going to cause some issues in life as she gets older.
Just had my first "true love" experience. My dog just jumped up on my lap without me calling his name or having food in my hands.
I wish people appreciated how much effort I put into not face pushing every person I see wearing crocs.
If you don't give in to the bait, you won't get caught.
Don't get offended when you get a drunk text, get happy! You're getting attention when a brain can hardly function.
People disappoint - Pizza is eternal.
I'm allergic to tears.
Donated blood yesterday morning! One lucky person gets to wake up with the sudden ability to run into things & may feel slightly hungover!
I drink whiskey with my water.
I only wear a seat belt while taking selfies. Here for the sarcasm.