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My amazing abilities include slapping a snoring man, then pretending I haven't moved when he wakes up confused & angry.
Me: Did you pour your water out?
3yo: No.
Me: Why is the table & floor wet?
3yo: I poured my water out.
--Everyday
"I wonder if these leftovers are still good?" will probably be my last words ever.
I hate playing "restaurant" with my daughter. She takes my "order" then says, "you'll eat what I bring" & then throws an empty plate at me.
Ugh. It's so exhausting having to write someone's suicide letter after I push them down the stairs.
If you want to reenact Hitchcock's The Birds, take a sack of McDonald's fries into a Walmart parking lot.
My muscles ache as if I've exercised but I haven't so I guess it's rigor mortis.
Mom in law sent an email that says "wrath of God" on the subject line. So, how's your Saturday going?
It took me 5 minutes to realize I didn't really "have" to be quiet just cuz my kid put her doll down for a nap.
The upstairs neighbors are all giggly and in love. I should go up there with my kid. Five minutes should be enough to ruin their dreams.
I fear indifference far more than the brutal pang of anger or love. Once I'm indifferent, about anything, it's gone.
I'm experiencing a life-altering headache. Waiting for atoms to split so an alien can step out and shed my body.
She didn't know him but that didn't stop her from jumping on the back and wrapping her arms around him. She's 3. http://twitpic.com/c0xt39
I dreamt I was being attacked by a gigantic dinosaur-sized green ant. It was smiling.
It's never to late to change the course of a HUGE mistake.
Unless of course you're already trapped under something heavy.
Oh, how I laugh heartily at my delusions. Distorted reality is a girl's best friend.
When someone telling a story pauses to say,"Let's not go there," I'm fine with it cause I haven't left this house in months.
sometimes i write http://favstar.fm/users/AlyssaHarelik
