Most problems can be solved with

Nudity

Let's be honest..
Some Shit I tweet is to be amusing.
Some Shit i tweet is real.
Some Shit i tweet is to vent.

You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them

A man's typical New Year's Resolution: Date more models. Revised: Date more. Revised: Get a date. Revised: Stop crying while masturbating.

I only go out to remember why I like being at home

NEWS FLASH

if you follow people who annoy you

THEN YOU ARE THE IDIOT

NOT THEM

A woman came from a mans rib
Not from his feet to be walked on...
But from his side to be equal...
and next to the heart to be loved..

if at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you

A guy who initially shows interest that quickly fades

is like a girl who pretends to love giving blowjobs, then just stops doing it

Its too late to eat candy

But its too late to remove it from my mouth

The child in me
Had fun sliding down the stairs

The adult in me
Now has rug burn on her Ass and thighs and is pissed

I feel sorry for the man that marries me, I hope his dick stays hard
His ears can't hear
and
His legs don't work

so he can't run away..

No it ISN'T me..
Its a YOU.

its the way you chew...

And your sock... I don't like your left sock.

I think you belong between my thighs

If I get nervous before a tweet
I picture you all naked, fucking all hot and sweaty

Then I masturbate and forget about the Tweet I started.

I miss childhood
Not MY childhood
But the perfect ones on tv
I miss that and I want that.

Just because your hand is up my skirt

Doesn't mean I'm your puppet

STARS
...a silent showing of appreciation

RETWEETS
...the LOUDEST GREATEST form of flattery and appreciation

If you don't talk to me
I don't know you really exist
And...
That's how the follow goes

Bossy Much “@phxguy88 I mean this. The next person to RT @alecbaldwin is going to get blocked. He is a dumb fuck. Don't be one with him.”