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Most problems can be solved with
I only go out to remember why I like being at home
You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them
A man's typical New Year's Resolution: Date more models. Revised: Date more. Revised: Get a date. Revised: Stop crying while masturbating.
if you follow people who annoy you
THEN YOU ARE THE IDIOT
I do most of my thinking AFTER I do something stupid
Just because your hand is up my skirt
Doesn't mean I'm your puppet
I feel sorry for the man that marries me, I hope his dick stays hard
His ears can't hear
His legs don't work
so he can't run away..
If I get nervous before a tweet
I picture you all naked, fucking all hot and sweaty
Then I masturbate and forget about the Tweet I started.
Because nothing this wet should be left untouched
Pros don't ever use the Tip.
No matter how busy I am ,I always find time to procrastinate
I met a guy or two from twitter
Not only did they tell "jokes" on twitter
But THEY were actually JOKES in real life
I think Im in Heat
Fuck a sandwich, I bring him Beer after sex