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Most problems can be solved with
I only go out to remember why I like being at home
You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them
I do most of my thinking AFTER I do something stupid
A man's typical New Year's Resolution: Date more models. Revised: Date more. Revised: Get a date. Revised: Stop crying while masturbating.
if you follow people who annoy you
THEN YOU ARE THE IDIOT
No matter how busy I am ,I always find time to procrastinate
Just because your hand is up my skirt
Doesn't mean I'm your puppet
Because nothing this wet should be left untouched
Pros don't ever use the Tip.
Fuck a sandwich, I bring him Beer after sex
Retweeting Cures Narcissism
I feel sorry for the man that marries me, I hope his dick stays hard
His ears can't hear
His legs don't work
so he can't run away..
I met a guy or two from twitter
Not only did they tell "jokes" on twitter
But THEY were actually JOKES in real life
I think Im in Heat
I really really wanted to follow your account but it doesn't look like you EVER Retweet.
So no, I'm not following
I'm pretty sure my midlife crisis will come in cheetah print
A relationship where
He wears the pants
And I, I wear nothing but an apron
I dont always think about sex, sometimes I think about sleeping