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Breast feeding my baby (cats) in public is my right.
Went to a Butt-Blaster class this morning and got my ass like super blasted.
Would fashioning a shiv out of a corn cob be considered more of a hobby or a skill? Asking for a friend. I am my friend.
New Emergency Contact Information: Nick (guy from Church and State Bistro) Relationship: Well I mean...he seemed really nice...so maybe?
13 Lamborghinis just drove past me and now I'm covered in unlucky douche exhaust. :(
Like my Grammies used to say--- Just remember my dear...A moment on the lips means a day and a half laying in bed hungover.
Few know the depths of despair I feel when I see I mistakenly used the wrong Your/You're, like a common douche bag.
Cats: The Nation's greatest treasure.
My cat is sleeping on me. I'm pretty sure this is the happiest I've ever been lying in a pool of my own sweat.
Oh looks guys! There's like football on!
My favorite new game is - Did My Cat Pee On This?
I got 99 problems and all of them are my hair eating neighbor.
Attention all ladies that use the term "lady boner"...thanks. You have killed mine. For.ever. :(
The amount of hair I've lost today could feed a village of Ricks (my creepy hair eating neighbor)
That thing when you accidentally end up driving through gang territory with your children.
I didn't think this had to be stated...but please never DM me pics of you in your speedo. Not cool. Not. Cool.
Nevr in more dangr of exploding into a monster than when I'm asked to check my small carry on. HULK NO CHK! HULK PACK SMART! WHY U DO THIS?!
#Nurse, mom, music lover, user of toothpaste on the regs.