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Thanks to hip hop, I can tell you the area codes of most major cities.
I love walking into Victoria's Secret pregnant and reminding everyone this is what happens when you wear sexy underwear.
Lady at the gym: "What do you do?"
Me: "I'm a writer."
Lady: "No, I mean for a living."
I wonder if Chris Martin is listening to a lot of Coldplay now.
No need to say "FYI." If you are speaking, you are giving me information.
I got an email reminder about a Bridal Show on Sunday. I forwarded it to my fiancé but changed the subject to FREE FOOD.
Kim Kardashian has dated, married, divorced, dated again, and gotten engaged again in a shorter time than it takes me to grow out my bangs.
"I do my best work when I'm micro- managed," -Nobody, ever.
My computer and my phone need to fucking figure out who is going to tell me I have new email first.
Animals are f*cking amazing! That's why Noah only put animals on the ark and was like fuck all y'all and your negativity.
If you are a parent, no matter how old your children are, don't make them carry your burdens. Save them from your bad decisions.
The more I plan this wedding and the less I hear back from contacts at church/reception, etc...The better Vegas looks. $234 roundtrip tix!
Wife, Mom, Comedy writer for channels I only dreamed of having as a latchkey kid. Founder of Alternative Creative. Inquiries: AmandaCaswell at gmail dot com
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