At a white trash wedding. I've never seen so many wolf shirts in my life.

Good teeth to gum ratio is fucking important okay.

#PerksOfDatingMe I wax my butthole pic.twitter.com/Hp8y9Fam

Went black. Came back.

How to know if a sixteen year old is drunk:
Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you.

#FetusFriday For masturbation purposes only.

Someone make me food. And by make me food I mean, go fucking die.

I don't exercise to be healthy. I exercise to be hot as fuck, naked.

If you're an "atheist" why the fuck are you celebrating Christmas? Sit the fuck down.

It's funny how every girls boyfriend is a sex god, until they break up and suddenly he has a needle dick and was "shitty in bed anyway".

Just like everyone else, I can be a fatty cunt. But if you treat me good and aren't entirely a dipfuck; I'm the nicest lady you will meet.

When people smile. And I'm like, "where the fuck did your upper lip go?"

Show me your beards, men.

If I try to be sweet to you and you don't acknowledge it, don't expect that to happen again. Infact, fuck you.

If you care about someone, then you'll find a way to make it fucking work.

I would like a house. A puppy. And a boyfriend with a nose ring. But no, instead I just have really bad gas.

Dear heart, don't get your hopes up this time.

WHY DO I WANT YOU SO MUCH.

Welp. Four o'clock in the morning, drunk, on the max. Trying to nonchalantly take a photo with Santa. pic.twitter.com/Trr3IJjZ

Fatty tits are terrifying. Raunchy.