@AmberRohrig's (Amber Rohrig) most faved Tweets...
gonna mow without a bra today in hopes that some dirty old pervert will stop and do it for me before I call the cops. the ol' bait n switch
"No mom, I've been LISTED 12 times.. with an L, not an F" She's beginning to expect these comments from me
How cute! My son is coloring on my divorce papers. Now I have TWO reasons to hang them on my fridge.
Today in masterpiece of candy theatre, the brunette will be played by smarties & the blond by a dumdum. Who will the sugardaddy choose?
For a good time, teach your kid to shake his juice before he drinks it then hand him something with no lid! fuck that was funny!! #Imabadmom
there's a gaggle of teenage boys walking through my yard. seems like a good time to practice my milfing
Kid got sent home with a child abuse pamphlet.. I'm not sure if they're promoting it or I should be worried about what he's saying at school
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my son answered my phone today and told someone I was busy pooping. Touche, revenge for me calling out "I love you" on the playground
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Walk outside for a smoke in my "seduce a man" night clothes... cue the school bus full of returning field trippers! and scene
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I really wish someone had explained the phrase "money shot" to me before I tried using it in a sentence
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Who knew burning dinner could be so cinematic? Tonights dish is now blackened chicken teriyaki with tear duct sauce. Dig in!
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Chore tip: Compose a playlist of songs that remind you of douchy ex for cleaning spree. The hate makes you scrub harder.
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Eventually, twitter will have some effect on baby talk. " Does mommys little twoddler want a tweet? Yes he does! goochy-goochy-hashtag"
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Apparently @me is a real person..whom I did not mate with and isn't actually me. so, no more referencing this guy in my Ménage à moi tweets
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Last time I had rough sex was when I rolled over on some jacks my kid left on the kitchen table during a vigorous mating session with @me
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