You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.

I had the sex talk with my 11 year old boy tonight. I learned so much new shit.

If putting on a condom seems like a hassle, your gonna really hate all of the little snaps on a baby's outfit.

I don't know what the big deal is about Magnum Condoms. They won't even stay on.

I try to cum as fast as possible during sex because I love my wife and I know she has a lot of cleaning to get to.

El Camino is Spanish for "rapey looking car-truck."

I prefer my wife to have a full bush. It hides the "Ray Ray's Dick Box" tattoo she got in high school.

"Google that shit."


-Me helping with homework.

The only time my wife ever says "Fuck Me!" in the bedroom, is when she stubs her toe on the dresser.

My son asked "A man's orgasm makes babies, what does a females orgasm make?"

"Sandwiches." I told him.

When my 7 year old complains about tying his shoes. I remind him that a 6 year old made them.

HAHAHAHAHA!! I'd like to meet this silly cat of yours!!


-Horny Guys

I told my wife---Honey I love you but I just cant kiss you after you have cum in your mouth.



Plus I hardly know that guy.

I bet Mexican boys get the hair dryer and pretend to be like daddy at work blowing leaves.

Ladies you don't have to do the "walk of shame" if you just suck his dick in the parking lot.

Keep your dignity.

Doughnuts should have the antidepressants already baked in.

Do black people think we are saying ASK body spray?

My mom's dog eats her own shit,so the vet gave her some pills to make it taste bad.


Let that soak in for a bit.

I may be loosing my hair but at least my dick is small.

Don't say you're "addicted" to chocolate ice cream, unless you have sucked a dick to get some.