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Pregnant women use the term "We're expecting a baby." It makes it sound like there's more than one outcome. "it could be a velociraptor."
It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
If abortion is murder, then blowjobs are cannibalism and masturbation is mass genocide.
Did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg you can hear them say 'What the fuck are you doing?'
Pringles are the Nazis of the chip world: They all look the same, are lined up in single file, and are ruled by a crazy moustached dictator.
If I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't alive anymore.
A friend is like a condom. They'll stick close to you and protect you as best they can but once you fill them with semen you need a new one.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious
Have you ever started to eat a horse and then realised that you weren't that hungry after all?
If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
If there's 'Extra Virgin' olive oil, there has to be a 'Dirty Slut' variety as well
I wonder if Woody or Buzz have ever met Andy's moms toys. I think it would cause mass confusion as they probably share the same names
What would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today?
We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death.
When they buried the man who invented Tetris the whole cemetry disappeared.
"I thought that too, but I didn't say it out loud, because I'm not racist." - racist people
No wonder the Nazis lost the war - they tried to make a nation of blondes
I only think about rape on two occasions. When i´m raping men and when i´m not raping men.
There´s an unleashed fart in this box. Occasionally lame, generally awesome.
