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According to Klout, the automated Twitter account for Big Ben that tweets a 'bong' for every hour is influential about 'drugs'. #sincerely
Please enjoy this photo of a chimpanzee hugging a lynx. pic.twitter.com/yUwmQHe7
In 1994 a husband & wife hiking team found a large blue egg in a tree in the woods of Canada. From that egg Justin Bieber was hatched. #true
Holding my hand under hand sanitizer dispensers, pulling it away as it squirts, then punching it off the wall & yelling, "You got served!"
Movie Idea: Bill Cosby plays Will Ferrell's doctor. One day Will comes into Cosby's office complaining about a headache. It's brain cancer.
At a Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru. Guy in car in front of me threw a lit cig butt out his window. I picked it up & threw it back into his car.
I'm wearing my going to eat at Olive Garden outfit. pic.twitter.com/Zw2SiK6j
How good could that Big Mac have been if that dude put it down to save those girls? Tighten up your game, McDonald's.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bare feet. Bare feet who? We're not sure. It might be the feet of an actual bear, or a guest with no shoes. #jokes
Do you think the Thing from the Fantastic Four owns an iPad? If he does, I bet it's all scratched to shit from those rock fingers he has.
Good morning. Just saw a photo of a monkey riding a pig. It made me feel better about things.
I wrapped a bunch of elastics around an orange & convinced my coworkers it was a rubber band ball I'd been building for the last nine years.
*Sets your house & everything you love on fire while you're at work. Jumps out from behind your trash cans as you arrive home.* April fools!
Wondering if I'd be happier if I started smoking cigarettes and eating fast food regularly.
A husband, father, published author and Comcast employee who has worked in the telecom industry since 1997.
