#IfIWereAnAlpha I'd probably put it in Stiles.

This is a tweet about a girl named Lucky.

I really want to see @theonlydetox perform “Don’t Cry Out Loud” while being pushed around in a wheelchair by her nurse @alaska5000

Gaga is making a hat out of live cockroaches. I don't want to live on the same planet as her anymore.

If you don't have anything nice to tweet, don't tweet anything at all. Save it as a draft and publish at the end of the month.

I don't want to work today. I just want to play Seven Up and hopefully not get picked so I can just keep my head on my desk.

@natebell4ar You're an asshole and an insult to the American people.

“Cockboys!: The Musical” starring @andrewrannells as @jak3bass77 and @cheyennejackson as @pierrefitch 🍒🎶

I just think it's so funny that Cher Lloyd got American airplay before Cheryl Cole.

Vixen Reign, dear. #holidaydragnames

CrossFit is the new Scientology.

@azealiabanks seriously shut the fuck up, everyone is tired of defending you saying insensitive things.

.@parishilton did more for pop music with two singles than @ladygaga did with three world tours.

Eating at #ChickfilHATE won't erase the gay porn from your son's browser history.

Beyonce is having a second child so that Blue Ivy won't have to have play dates with Kimye's baby.

I can’t wait for my tumblr dash to be flooded with GIFs of Joe Jonas licking a dildo.

In lieu of an ohm, I want to get a tattoo of the nail painting emoji on my shoulder. 💅

👏GET👏IT👏TO👏GETH👏ER

"CHOKE ME WITH THOSE THIGHS" is going to be my new pick up line.

"Do you know about that Chris Cracker guy who dressed up as a woman in defense of Britney Spears?" - My Mom, 12:29PM, 7/2/12.