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Why can't I list, "able to put both ankles behind my neck" as a skill on my rseume? I thought the point was to stand out!
Man....my fingers are typing at the speed of crackhead!
My b-friend is at the gym while I eat the cookies I made him yesterday. Do you see how I did that right there.....mmmhmm
I wonder if my lil big sis will be happy or offended if I bought her the Plan B morning after pill for x-mas.
People always get real interested in what my job is once I mention the webcam...haha
Crotchless panties are appropriate for a wedding ;)
The only good thing about being sick is this kick ass ab workout I'm getting from all this coughing.
Someone had to set my ass straight today! And all I can say is, "Hello, Gemini! It's nice to be back." Hmm, now where did I put my drink?!
I hate strangers who call my phone hoping I will open the entrance gate. From now on I require a naked pic of yourself before I let you in.
When I forget the name of something I resight the alphabet. The more I say the letters the more I remember the word. Weird but always works!
Yes, I have BIG ASS boobs!!! Stop staring!! After a while that shit gets annoying!!!!
I give the ok to leave a candle burning while you're not home. I was out & about yesterday for 7hrs & my apt was still here when I got back.
Tonight is the first night i've ever seen a ninjar Santa...haha
It seems like everyday i've been waking up with a new bruise on my legs. Hmm, do you think a Succubus can be a lesbian?
I just ate an egg rejected sperm....it was alright
My stomach is crazy today. I know Apples help calm it but what about Apple chips soaked in Vodka.....now that's a thinker
Of course i'm freakin good!!! I'm like some kind of ninja or something....duh!
Every pomegranate is composed of exactly 840 seeds. Man, my tummy is filled with a whole lot of seeds right now!!
You're in a good relationship when ur man has water & 2 Excedrin waiting by the bed for you when you get home after drinking with the girls
There would be less angry people in the world if everyone increased their daily masturbation time.