I need volunteers.need bodies to strap to a backboard-practice walking backwards up stairs. Have beer and you can fuck my sister #takenumber

Kind of concerned I will be on Taxicab confessions next month.

Realizing you included the word "fuck" in an email to mom just slammed me with loads of christmas joy. Merry Christmas @thicktweetness

My 7 year old giggles at these Halloween stores while I just walk around and shit myself. #hardcore

Am I the only one who pulls up next to construction workers and wonders how many women they've pulled a train on #kinky #hotnbothered

Hubbys colonostomy is 21 hours away and I can't stop making gay jokes #badwife

I'm considering making it a movie day in bed.I'm that cold. Oh look...a vibrator. #ponderings

Why do people always want to talk late at night during my ambian trance? Vent away but consider any advice FUCKEDUP

Atheism is synonymous with freedom and freedom of thought, which, IMO, are highly positive and desirable #word #athiest

Antonio Banderas is a specimen alight....like the type that comes out of my asshole #nothot

First word out of my mouth today when the officer approached was a long drawn out FUCK. He immediately looked at my tits #stillgotit

Wow...he was right...have not shit right in a week. #first

Can't stop masturbating. #googlefire

Every time I get a new follower, I'm like "fuck, they found me" #soscrewedsomeday

Turning to twitter to take my mind off STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE. Don't fail me #myESday

#awesomesauce RT @clearlyunwell: I’d like to get into your head. With my penis. Through your mouth.

Thanks for not spooning me, ya fuckin weirdo #milfcamping @thicktweetness

I'm a fire starting mother fucker mother fucker #milfcamping @thicktweetness

Sisters night #milfcamping #beerme

Involving a butt plug and a vibrator by chance? RT @crissiec: I also may have/possibly played tag with myself....