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  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!!
    But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer.

    She never even knew.

    • 2,760
    • FAVS
    emilielolejmichaels1theGingercornLibbyKrnjulacPoofta72buffalobisonslclucyworld1SirMorose
    • 1,645
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1theGingercornPoofta72buffalobisonslcAskAuntieEm1Northside_Mikemadrigroberbeatedit
    DeanB15savvystridermlinhartCarmel_Coleman9to5LifellvvzzzSquareKnightSgtButtCheeks
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.

    • 2,083
    • FAVS
    emilielolejmichaels1alrightbobheArtsonnetLisaDorameLittleSweetOneamandajpandavmacn
    • 1,601
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1alrightbobmadrigroberheArtsonnetWinsome_WenchhirojesusNIKKIDIAMONDS80taraannraz
    MidgetsparLiberty_JunkieSoapyJohnsonLeaMehannafarleftcoastPeaceInTruth1jayna_patriceschuzamLakeOconeeBldr____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first.

    • 1,916
    • FAVS
    emilielolejmichaels1FelixtheCatNYCtkcoltsfantandjiesdlsoul_occupanceiamsoirrelevantOneTinyTweet
    • 1,037
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1merylevenstandjiesdl_crazyymonkeyyfuzzlimertmiii1958TheChickWithThedarkersideofder__
    hoops_DaddylovablelucasTomFuck4themorris23djr_102PORNOPINIONSunnyGirl1717ICagbanusiCarmel_ColemanDoom_JediMidgetspar
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own twitter timeline.

    • 1,469
    • FAVS
    emilielolejmichaels1cigarinAtomic__WalruspanTdropperchem_treatedvivianjoannBigRim79
    • 673
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1cigarinAtomic__WalruspanTdroppermadrigroberchem_treatedhirojesusMeIzHappee
    chopper4jkcarpeJosephiamfasebillymeetsworld
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My favourite part of guys in their 20's trying to pick me up is that I can tell them my number is 867-5309 and they believe me.

    • 1,360
    • FAVS
    shane_carrenderalrulz2009Deurb1priestbynameDaGr8WhiteDopeBigRim79Amiigatdavenoc
    • 626
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberbarbalala72MeIzHappeeAmiigatdrummer1280taraannrazOhgoddessitsmeJ_Illunninati
    TheTweetParrotBlACk__ThRoaTso_amusedslyoung5BillArrundalePORNOPINIONFormerGrunt______chopper4jkfullblowndaveTheEnormity__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    If you are honestly interested in me for me and not just sex, you are gonna get sooo much sex.

    • 1,308
    • FAVS
    NounGenderCheesecake79BigRim79davenoctamrfcwatpOhgoddessitsmeSackReligionJ_Illunninati
    • 529
    • RETWEETS
    madrigroberNounGenderOhgoddessitsmeJ_IllunninatiEmilySarah512JoeQpublic6gingerfacedDaveJ_Photoman
    VikeeysSecretMyFairCharitysavvystriderHappyHourJackchopper4jk
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North." Something you never hear in the news.

    • 890
    • FAVS
    emilielolejmichaels1NounGenderdrunknerdpro1st_DiscipleBeardOfAngerdraperdollmariecuriouser
    • 584
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1NounGenderBeardOfAngeritsmemistydawnmtnbikerdenisOhighIsisCRobbieLVcastabignet
    BlazedDonuts______SoapyJohnsonNot_From_TroydeKenstructionWolfbaneMahler____ShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    With this coupon, bras & panties are 20% off.
    That's nothing. With charm, a sense of humour and a little wine, bras & panties are 100% off.

    • 918
    • FAVS
    TeriBussartNounGenderLimoJohnsonVashWdsUnspokenBenMcCannacuriousteejsum1alwaysbailsUntouchableShe
    • 337
    • RETWEETS
    NounGenderLimoJohnsonVashWdsUnspokensum1alwaysbailsstorm_jonjctsmileyoneRick_IZTinkerbell_
    MrTwatWaffleThe_MartiniGirlkdubcomedySuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My superpower is pretending I don't see red flags.

    • 781
    • FAVS
    Rick_IZdrunkNnaughtydarinlovesbaconMollySneedHrBryThee1_4UCleofuckinpatraRachelleMinyard
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    enragedpaigeCletusHammergunnerfan69BeardedEoghanFlyingoffhandleStripedSoxGirl__chewstrokeMissAnnThropie
    gingerfacedthedayofthedotChemBtwnUs________
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just dropped $2 somewhere under the passenger seat in my car, so I guess I have a savings account now.

    • 724
    • FAVS
    9ggeremilielolejmichaels1RabadanOATweetingDadGuythatstingsRaging_Pard_Onnayomeewallace
    • 340
    • RETWEETS
    Badass_Brunelliemilielolejmichaels1BoredButPerkyjollyfingersjacobsfriends35TheTweetParrotsarahhbrooks1
    Carmel_ColemangigglegirlnoelBDGarpslyoung5UnFitz
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Whenever anyone asks me for my advice, I take their face in my hands, lean in real close & whisper "you realize I'm a fucking idiot, right?"

    • 714
    • FAVS
    PeaceInTruth1Wiley_by_birthmahatmatweeterGG246810clintgilInterrobanggirljennfer46mellimelle
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    Interrobanggirljennfer46mellimelleRick_IZJaniceCherylcornelissssttmoemaidMagnolia7610
    JaySaysStufftwo1ohhbabydollHey_SaschaSergioValenCoslyoung5ClassicMeganSuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    The biggest turn-on is a man with a huge vocabulary who knows how to use it.

    Size matters.

    • 707
    • FAVS
    alrulz2009drunkNnaughtydarinlovesbaconmsred1973swollenvoicePriscilaMercuryLord_JoJoReeseButCallMeV
    • 288
    • RETWEETS
    kansasgal70happy2931Tinkerbell_MrTallPaul1enragedpaigegunnerfan69Typisch_KristelemmaF1roser______
    BlondeFacade______
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Before twitter I thought the insane were sad and they need to get some help; now I think they are hilarious and they need to get some stars.

    • 739
    • FAVS
    drunkNnaughtydarinlovesbaconHrBrysuesharpe1JaySaysStuffenragedpaigeei8htiesbabygunnerfan69
    • 204
    • RETWEETS
    Bob_LawblawJaySaysStuffgunnerfan69AdrianeZanealhudockwardnick3denofmusicDTaterbug
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Found a skittle in my bra. Ate it. Sadest Saturday night ever.

    • 742
    • FAVS
    drunkNnaughtydarinlovesbaconHrBryenragedpaigeAltonBockAdamofAlbionloribuckmajorericbrownphoto
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughngunnerfan69futietonJaySaysStuffmatthewchanGinaRochesterWhyBadWolfslyoung5
    QuickBJ__________chrisanna4real
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm not saying that you're boring and unattractive, but if you were an ice cream flavor you'd be the tub of water they rinse the scoops in.

    • 573
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_PeaceInTruth1mahatmatweeterLA_ValleyKatsass_n_ass1800RandyBert_HappyDogShaeAaron
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    OG_SocialWhoreBert_HappyDogArmchair_ChefDemi_Whoreamycook1939YummusThatGingymikeTdrury
    TheWadestBrookeBabbling____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Someone just told me to "have a blessed day."
    What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.

    • 629
    • FAVS
    kathleencrocke5drunkNnaughtymelmarenVerbsRProudestswollenvoicequirkismsnaazihahSissiSay
    • 210
    • RETWEETS
    quirkismsrascalityTinkerbell_RealShaughngunnerfan69AmindabSamuelJack_B87sweetsoulbarely__
    NolaChef504BruppFWTXthr33circles______1BigMickShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I googled anal-retentive to see whether it needs a hyphen.

    • 648
    • FAVS
    drunkNnaughtyMrTallPaul1blckbeardelightRachelleMinyardenragedpaigebgibson3_britgunnerfan69BeardedEoghan
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    MrTallPaul1enragedpaigeRealShaughngunnerfan69david_paytonkatecampbell95burn_the_oilJaySaysStuff
    Kali_MuraWerbo1937________tweetcomedian
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    So it turns out that gluten is the stuff in food that gives you the will to live.

    • 487
    • FAVS
    MissLahdidahThatBurnsBabythemorris23newstart43alejanconniestellarjulez808fairy__unicornhirojesus
    • 265
    • RETWEETS
    newstart43hirojesuscherrell_smithDG2UHillbillyWV1965MollySneedeborg01KarlaPau_Ag
    ramenfuneralWheelTod
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Let's face it, twitter is not a hobby...it's more of a symptom.

    • 558
    • FAVS
    newstart43JulieSnarkfairy__unicornSgunSupermanhirojesusdrunkNnaughtyMmeLaCroozGirlInsatiable
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    hirojesuskatewonyangoShezKayMentalAbortionsSarcasiliciousGeekedelicScienceMMAKatelvsnyy
    GreenheadsOnly____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Keeping a secret is hard.
    Being a secret is even harder.

    • 501
    • FAVS
    themorris23newstart43veronicazofairy__unicornhirojesusLuistsevendrunkNnaughtyMollySneed
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    newstart43Winsome_Wenchfairy__unicornhirojesusRealShaughntinaski413gunnerfan69david_payton
@Angrea

@Angrea

I accidentally said Spirk and Kock once. Practicing Canadian.