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  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!!
    But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer.

    She never even knew.

    • 2,856
    • FAVS
    mike_sbdixonshumanpattiscanlonempoorkcavindamsgtpd75BlueIvysBrotherScreeba
    • 1,692
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanempoorkcavindamAde1965mdpakrattAndrashockerFebWinGianDoh
    chopper4jkDeanB15savvystridermlinhartCarmel_Coleman9to5LifellvvzzzSquareKnightSgtButtCheeks
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.

    • 2,145
    • FAVS
    Yo_Simmity_SamdixonshumanBlueIvysBrotheraKhalifa101ParysPBmrsstenvert1973jose17plausiblyreborn
    • 1,643
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanBlueIvysBrothersteve_condramdpakrattrickyfourie1_SusanWillisplausiblyrebornjayjay1950
    MidgetsparLiberty_JunkieSoapyJohnsonLeaMehannafarleftcoastPeaceInTruth1jayna_patricemscesarioLakeOconeeBldr____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first.

    • 2,096
    • FAVS
    Yo_Simmity_SamdixonshumanemptydahlJonronBurrellPS_IRuddYouRaMazing1Old_Buddy_BoyTheTalkingPipe
    • 1,135
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanemptydahlgwyniCTheTalkingPipesarahmc_photoKateWhineHallkatzedietrichJayTia13
    CroweJamhoops_DaddylovablelucasTomFuck4themorris23djr_102PORNOPINIONSunnyGirl1717ICagbanusiCarmel_ColemanDoom_JediMidgetspar
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own twitter timeline.

    • 1,770
    • FAVS
    loopsy_laaswollenvoicelllvvvzzzdixonshumanTeejayRushjkramblesLost_Cozcessperience
    • 823
    • RETWEETS
    RabiyaZafarlllvvvzzzdixonshumanTeejayRushwolfe_nathanwBrdnHatesYouPenguinCrystallvvzz
    chopper4jkcarpeJosephiamfasepotatokingpin
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My favourite part of guys in their 20's trying to pick me up is that I can tell them my number is 867-5309 and they believe me.

    • 1,404
    • FAVS
    fuzzyjetsfanceustacecoreyddavisapaulothirteenTonyaYorkDeesSSparklesDailyPrincessBuckeyeredpawn3
    • 647
    • RETWEETS
    SSparklesDailyPrincessBuckeyehirojesusPamfuscioustailing2ideasBSCampneyVanVeenBTampaBayMomma
    TheTweetParrotBlACk__ThRoaTso_amusedslyoung5BillArrundalePORNOPINIONFormerGrunt______chopper4jkfullblowndaveTheEnormity__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    If you are honestly interested in me for me and not just sex, you are gonna get sooo much sex.

    • 1,337
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanTimB5150LoveFelimissmadisonjoyAAkatz24PrincessBuckeyehirojesusPamfuscious
    • 538
    • RETWEETS
    PrincessBuckeyehirojesusRealShaughnSSpiffyTwitDaringDareBearsachi_bbsrTheRealRHBrobertseuan______
    VikeeysSecretMyFairCharitysavvystriderHappyHourJackchopper4jk
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North." Something you never hear in the news.

    • 952
    • FAVS
    zayoonfionadottermissmadisonjoyhirojesusDBMaxPSharpeBytesdirtydishtowelsDickstracted__
    • 630
    • RETWEETS
    smuttastichirojesusPORNOPINIONfloral_tea__HahnCatherineDadandBuriedMythicalCrystalZirconpartial
    BruppFWTXBlazedDonuts______SoapyJohnsonNot_From_TroydeKenstructionWolfbaneMahler____ShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just dropped $2 somewhere under the passenger seat in my car, so I guess I have a savings account now.

    • 959
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanLiciousMayhemThe_Last_Nomadhail_M_huntrobininthegreenNoodlemopkansaswaggkeithlev
    • 465
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumancaseytduncankimcrowbarkeithlevleashalettenotsleeepingMaxine12333paytonio69
    One_FineMessCarmel_ColemangigglegirlnoelBDGarpslyoung5UnFitz
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    With this coupon, bras & panties are 20% off.
    That's nothing. With charm, a sense of humour and a little wine, bras & panties are 100% off.

    • 932
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanLoveFelihirojesusSharpeBytesbearcub577WarWithMyMindDadandBuriedNATxHAN
    • 346
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanxanrsahirojesusWarWithMyMindToodleTweetthebentonshowTheRealRHBrobertseuan______
    JerIsJokingThe_MartiniGirltakemeusernameSuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My superpower is pretending I don't see red flags.

    • 798
    • FAVS
    emptydahlPamfusciousSharpeBytesLorieGZWarWithMyMindNATxHANconcretesledge_CroweJam
    • 298
    • RETWEETS
    emptydahlWarWithMyMindMcMiserablerobertseuan______BareChestyenragedpaigeCletusHammer__gunnerfan69__
    gingerfacedthedayofthedotChemBtwnUs________
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Whenever anyone asks me for my advice, I take their face in my hands, lean in real close & whisper "you realize I'm a fucking idiot, right?"

    • 744
    • FAVS
    daphnepotter69dixonshumanJlofarsayssyaf16hPamfusciousSharpeBytesLorieGZdirtydishtowels
    • 331
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumansyaf16hweffy93WarWithMyMindSection411aPunch2theJunkDadandBuriedTlaxBoy05
    JaySaysStufftwo1ohhbabydollOhMisterUnicornSergioValenCoslyoung5ClassicMeganSuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm not saying that you're boring and unattractive, but if you were an ice cream flavor you'd be the tub of water they rinse the scoops in.

    • 678
    • FAVS
    hirojesusPamfusciouskarenben_FSUSteveSharpeBytesLorieGZWarWithMyMindDadandBuried
    • 374
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyhirojesusmdpakrattSharpeBytesWarWithMyMindTlaxBoy05McMiserablesachi_bbsr
    TheWadestBrookeBabbling____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    The biggest turn-on is a man with a huge vocabulary who knows how to use it.

    Size matters.

    • 733
    • FAVS
    Maxine12333tyranosexhirojesusmadamelancholyemptydahlLorieGZWarWithMyMindInsulinAddict12
    • 299
    • RETWEETS
    hirojesusemptydahlWarWithMyMindpaintedstitchedHahnCatherineDadandBuriedNinaKat72TlaxBoy05
    emptydahlBlondeFacade______
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Before twitter I thought the insane were sad and they need to get some help; now I think they are hilarious and they need to get some stars.

    • 753
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanLorieGZsiempredelilahEvidalsgWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedNATxHANconcretesledge_
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanvidalsgWarWithMyMindTlaxBoy05robertseuan______Bob_LawblawJaySaysStuffgunnerfan69__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Found a skittle in my bra. Ate it. Sadest Saturday night ever.

    • 756
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanLorieGZdirtydishtowelsWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedNATxHANconcretesledge_HonkyTonkJew
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanTlaxBoy05TheRealRHBrobertseuan______RealShaughngunnerfan69__futietonJaySaysStuff
    QuickBJ__________chrisanna4real
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Someone just told me to "have a blessed day."
    What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.

    • 657
    • FAVS
    MintySilverlacrossemom5amediocremommyMaxine12333beateditMdUNHhirojesusPamfuscious
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    SharonThorpe286EllelouisegirlMaxine12333hirojesusViolent2Dope304WarWithMyMindDadandBuriedzombiiilove
    aKhalifa101NolaChef504BruppFWTXthr33circles______1BigMickShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I googled anal-retentive to see whether it needs a hyphen.

    • 682
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanMoltoPensierosodirtydishtowelsWarWithMyMindadisgraceful__aPunch2theJunkpaintedstitchedHiHighHigher
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanMoltoPensierosomdpakrattWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedTlaxBoy052happyrightThatsMyBush
    Kali_MuraWerbo1937________tweetcomedian
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    So it turns out that gluten is the stuff in food that gives you the will to live.

    • 536
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanaKhalifa101LorieGZdirtydishtowelssiempredelilahEWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedSSparklesDaily
    • 296
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanWarWithMyMindziyandamagShoutingGoddessVashWdsUnspokenTlaxBoy05concretesledge_myDavid
    ramenfuneralWheelTod
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Let's face it, twitter is not a hobby...it's more of a symptom.

    • 575
    • FAVS
    LorieGZWarWithMyMindJBmotorhenMsPametnica__tiki70Htown49erFanNATxHANlacrossemom5
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    WarWithMyMindStrinzo13seattlerayartNATxHANTlaxBoy05robertseuan______danarox33BareChesty
    GreenheadsOnly____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Keeping a secret is hard.
    Being a secret is even harder.

    • 518
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanLorieGZWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedHtown49erFanhaykshanNATxHANstacibonbon
    • 240
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanWarWithMyMindTlaxBoy05robertseuan______BareChestynewstart43Winsome_Wenchfairy__unicorn
@Angrea

@Angrea

I accidentally said Spirk and Kock once. Practicing Canadian.