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  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!!
    But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer.

    She never even knew.

    • 2,874
    • FAVS
    mdob11robinboboTheLizofCrazyHoboOnATrainktoabrmecheeyaherrenloserHundtigger1516
    • 1,705
    • RETWEETS
    HoboOnATrainktoabrmecheeyaLorieGZktea11im_soFabNeil_USADuaneABarrett
    chopper4jkDeanB15savvystridermlinhartCarmel_Coleman9to5LifellvvzzzSquareKnightSgtButtCheeks
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.

    • 2,177
    • FAVS
    ktoabTOPLAWDOGswollenvoiceObviousNicholeTehNemsterDarkTallBastardNutella_Vodkadcolemanuk
    • 1,671
    • RETWEETS
    Thizzle42WhitsittJktoabswollenvoiceDarkTallBastardNutella_VodkadcolemanukDian_Soy
    MidgetsparLiberty_JunkieSoapyJohnsonLeaMehannafarleftcoastPeaceInTruth1jayna_patricemscesarioLakeOconeeBldr____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first.

    • 2,164
    • FAVS
    WongLipJunDarkTallBastardNutella_VodkaIndiaDeepakel_flautasBeSassyChivettefitdaddy_78K_to_the_Pomph
    • 1,183
    • RETWEETS
    WongLipJunDuaneABarrettNutella_VodkaNeuronicismdavidwgallNewagewizardkcirtap11shopkins776
    CroweJamhoops_DaddylovablelucasTomFuck4themorris23djr_102PORNOPINIONSunnyGirl1717ICagbanusiCarmel_ColemanDoom_JediMidgetspar
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own twitter timeline.

    • 1,793
    • FAVS
    LaserclawEuwreckaRideSallyRide69soulindivision__aw_stentrojanmotherrustygunterndiquote
    • 836
    • RETWEETS
    LaserclawRideSallyRide69rustyguntercanadian_janeDarkTallBastardMahamTariqqCussingDegreeJonnyPundit
    chopper4jkcarpeJosephiamfasepotatokingpin__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My favourite part of guys in their 20's trying to pick me up is that I can tell them my number is 867-5309 and they believe me.

    • 1,427
    • FAVS
    mdob11jtravisbradfordhairrulzvicvega422twitchglitchKimberlyAblogShmetalguru_nzhoney8unny
    • 658
    • RETWEETS
    marybethwilhelmtwitchglitchhoney8unnybadpatrick1VodkaTiemTruculent67McCutty1LLife8
    TheTweetParrotBlACk__ThRoaTso_amusedslyoung5BillArrundalePORNOPINIONFormerGrunt______chopper4jkfullblowndaveTheEnormity__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    If you are honestly interested in me for me and not just sex, you are gonna get sooo much sex.

    • 1,343
    • FAVS
    mdob11DarkTallBastardTruculent67FallAtYourFeetxRobWeb79KenHuxley1dixonshumanTimB5150
    • 540
    • RETWEETS
    KenHuxley1jumpdasharkPrincessBuckeyehirojesusRealShaughnSSpiffyTwitDaringDareBearsachi_bbsr
    VikeeysSecretMyFairCharitysavvystriderHappyHourJackchopper4jk
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North." Something you never hear in the news.

    • 953
    • FAVS
    cassvincezayoonfionadottermissmadisonjoyhirojesusDBMaxPSharpeBytesdirtydishtowels
    • 631
    • RETWEETS
    cassvincesmuttastichirojesusPORNOPINIONfloral_tea__HahnCatherineDadandBuriedMythicalCrystal
    BruppFWTXBlazedDonuts______SoapyJohnsonNot_From_TroydeKenstructionWolfbaneMahler____ShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just dropped $2 somewhere under the passenger seat in my car, so I guess I have a savings account now.

    • 987
    • FAVS
    cassvinceJennSavage18RaniaanterVodkaTiemKZGAL1Truculent67angelalowery93unusual_artist
    • 487
    • RETWEETS
    VodkaTiemTruculent67angelalowery93CanarianMonkeysweetg35LynettetsS8804ronbissel
    One_FineMessCarmel_ColemangigglegirlnoelBDGarpslyoung5UnFitz
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    With this coupon, bras & panties are 20% off.
    That's nothing. With charm, a sense of humour and a little wine, bras & panties are 100% off.

    • 935
    • FAVS
    raid23erBlancheDD140loribuckmajordixonshumanLoveFelihirojesusSharpeBytesbearcub577
    • 349
    • RETWEETS
    raid23erBlancheDD140jumpdasharkdixonshumanxanrsahirojesusWarWithMyMindToodleTweet
    SirTwatWaffleThe_MartiniGirltakemeusernameSuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My superpower is pretending I don't see red flags.

    • 810
    • FAVS
    lucy_nyholm123BusterGrabbWeezie76ClosetAtheist39Feline_MessiahWorldofWidarielgundersenasasdfghjklp
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    lucy_nyholm123liv_ec_atkKeri_shaClosetAtheist39Feline_MessiahWorldofWidpaigetherage29tessafire
    gingerfacedthedayofthedotChemBtwnUs________
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Whenever anyone asks me for my advice, I take their face in my hands, lean in real close & whisper "you realize I'm a fucking idiot, right?"

    • 744
    • FAVS
    daphnepotter69dixonshumanJlofarsayssyaf16hPamfusciousSharpeBytesLorieGZdirtydishtowels
    • 331
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumansyaf16hweffy93WarWithMyMindSection411_werebeardDadandBuriedTlaxBoy05
    JaySaysStufftwo1ohhbabydollOhMisterUnicornSergioValenCoslyoung5ClassicMeganSuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm not saying that you're boring and unattractive, but if you were an ice cream flavor you'd be the tub of water they rinse the scoops in.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    happysickmindloribuckmajorhirojesusPamfusciouskarenben_FSUSteveSharpeBytesLorieGZ
    • 375
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkfavstar_historyhirojesusmdpakrattSharpeBytesWarWithMyMindTlaxBoy05McMiserable
    TheWadestBrookeBabbling____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    The biggest turn-on is a man with a huge vocabulary who knows how to use it.

    Size matters.

    • 745
    • FAVS
    happysickmindgyvememoreaweexoxdumber0tikkajim_galtNinja_Soup_mojavewBamaRush
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkbeanflikcyranodgDontTouchMyWinehirojesusemptydahlWarWithMyMindpaintedstitched
    emptydahlBlondeFacade______
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Before twitter I thought the insane were sad and they need to get some help; now I think they are hilarious and they need to get some stars.

    • 754
    • FAVS
    loribuckmajordixonshumanLorieGZsiempredelilahEvidalsgWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedNATxHAN
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanvidalsgWarWithMyMindTlaxBoy05robertseuan______Bob_LawblawJaySaysStuffgunnerfan69__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Found a skittle in my bra. Ate it. Sadest Saturday night ever.

    • 759
    • FAVS
    BlancheDD140zombieparrotFreedomSexydixonshumanLorieGZdirtydishtowelsWarWithMyMindDadandBuried
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkdixonshumanTlaxBoy05TheRealRHBrobertseuan______RealShaughngunnerfan69__futieton
    QuickBJ__________chrisanna4real
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Someone just told me to "have a blessed day."
    What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.

    • 661
    • FAVS
    theshadylady01__SoGoFujrgoliwaspeb671MintySilverlacrossemom5amediocremommyMaxine12333
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    SoGoFujrgoliwaspeb671SharonThorpe286Ellelouisegirl__Maxine12333hirojesusViolent2Dope304
    aKhalifa101NolaChef504BruppFWTXthr33circles______1BigMickShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I googled anal-retentive to see whether it needs a hyphen.

    • 682
    • FAVS
    dixonshumanMoltoPensierosodirtydishtowelsWarWithMyMindadisgraceful___werebeardpaintedstitchedHiHighHigher
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    dixonshumanMoltoPensierosomdpakrattWarWithMyMindDadandBuriedTlaxBoy052happyrightThatsMyBush__
    Kali_MuraWerbo1937________tweetcomedian
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    So it turns out that gluten is the stuff in food that gives you the will to live.

    • 538
    • FAVS
    BlancheDD140zombieparrotFreedomSexyjumpdasharkloribuckmajordixonshumanaKhalifa101LorieGZ
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    BlancheDD140jumpdasharkdixonshumanWarWithMyMindziyandamagShoutingGoddessVashWdsUnspokenTlaxBoy05
    ramenfuneralWheelTod
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Let's face it, twitter is not a hobby...it's more of a symptom.

    • 591
    • FAVS
    BlancheDD140zombieparrotasylumoistBlaineKynigelhotdoggBrockingtonsSSourblondieRadioSweetie
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    BlancheDD140jumpdasharkBlaineKynv7281RadioSweetieTimB5150MemphisProMaui_Speaks
    GreenheadsOnly____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Keeping a secret is hard.
    Being a secret is even harder.

    • 523
    • FAVS
    SSourblondieBlancheDD140asylumoistKenHuxley1FreedomSexydixonshumanLorieGZWarWithMyMind
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    BlancheDD140KenHuxley1jumpdasharkdixonshumanWarWithMyMindTlaxBoy05robertseuan______BareChesty
@Angrea

@Angrea

I accidentally said Spirk and Kock once. Practicing Canadian.

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