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  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!!
    But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer.

    She never even knew.

    • 2,828
    • FAVS
    TheGuruburuWroeismeasherisabro_chaosmosisMelvinofYorkBigRetweetsLeanivdwemsykay
    • 1,677
    • RETWEETS
    NIV7sephirhamiltonpelle_jonsWroeismesleepylemurKevinCarson1RoderickTLongmbugua_
    DeanB15savvystridermlinhartCarmel_Coleman9to5LifellvvzzzSquareKnightSgtButtCheeks
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.

    • 2,107
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantEvilPandaXgary_lankfordSteveDutzyNATxHANzerofish75HeyZeus666concretesledge_
    • 1,614
    • RETWEETS
    rileysomethinggary_lankford55MrCleanNATxHANzerofish75HRTSMRTdontyoueventryA_Kuenamatata
    MidgetsparLiberty_JunkieSoapyJohnsonLeaMehannafarleftcoastPeaceInTruth1jayna_patriceschuzamLakeOconeeBldr____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first.

    • 2,057
    • FAVS
    CindyBakesItKimballHankFrankieTheAngelAnAverageGiantRomeoDeVoidLittlestSloboStillJessLSpeterjames48
    • 1,111
    • RETWEETS
    KimballHankLPkrleanNAnAverageGiantdanieliniowaLittlestSloboStillJessLSNiceLittleWifeHammer_Toe
    CroweJamhoops_DaddylovablelucasTomFuck4themorris23djr_102PORNOPINIONSunnyGirl1717ICagbanusiCarmel_ColemanDoom_JediMidgetspar
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own twitter timeline.

    • 1,484
    • FAVS
    AnAverageGiantSteveDutzyNATxHANToodleTweetMoshstepconcretesledge_RANKINMIKEEbossy_bootz
    • 678
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_A_KuenamatataTheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChestyejmichaels1cigarinAtomic__Walrus
    chopper4jkcarpeJosephiamfaseobscurerobot______
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My favourite part of guys in their 20's trying to pick me up is that I can tell them my number is 867-5309 and they believe me.

    • 1,388
    • FAVS
    OldUncleDaveONATxHANAtticusFinch917EliHansenMusicNateIsntFunnyTheChallssun_sand_oceanCheckBackLaw
    • 638
    • RETWEETS
    EliHansenMusicCheckBackLawLordofMetallicaconcretesledge_A_Kuenamatatasachi_bbsrMarkLandMarksjollyrogers81
    TheTweetParrotBlACk__ThRoaTso_amusedslyoung5BillArrundalePORNOPINIONFormerGrunt______chopper4jkfullblowndaveTheEnormity__
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    If you are honestly interested in me for me and not just sex, you are gonna get sooo much sex.

    • 1,323
    • FAVS
    OldUncleDaveONATxHANHeyZeus666concretesledge_RANKINMIKEEg4barrycanadian_janeA_Kuenamatata
    • 533
    • RETWEETS
    sachi_bbsrTheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChestymadrigroberCatfishGoneWildOhgoddessitsmeJ_Illunninati
    VikeeysSecretMyFairCharity__savvystriderHappyHourJackchopper4jk
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North." Something you never hear in the news.

    • 933
    • FAVS
    OldUncleDaveOPsydewayzNATxHANHeyZeus666ToodleTweetSand2StoneRasta1619TurtleTears
    • 621
    • RETWEETS
    PsydewayzNATxHANToodleTweetPeteDotAscianiamnotchjohnsonRasta1619mando_86TurtleTears
    BruppFWTXBlazedDonuts______SoapyJohnsonNot_From_TroydeKenstructionWolfbaneMahler____ShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    With this coupon, bras & panties are 20% off.
    That's nothing. With charm, a sense of humour and a little wine, bras & panties are 100% off.

    • 925
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_TheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChestyiwearaonesieHunnerGoMeowTeriBussart
    • 342
    • RETWEETS
    ToodleTweetthebentonshowTheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChestyCatfishGoneWildLimoJohnsonVashWdsUnspoken
    JerIsJokingThe_MartiniGirlkdubcomedySuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I just dropped $2 somewhere under the passenger seat in my car, so I guess I have a savings account now.

    • 811
    • FAVS
    KimJongSeanNATxHANFreeingTherapyAmateurExpert19nicbjodecentatbestItsAllCrazyToMeTlaxBoy05
    • 393
    • RETWEETS
    gskala01nicbjoconcretesledge_Lizo18ItsAllCrazyToMeTlaxBoy05OverRitzMcMiserable
    One_FineMessCarmel_ColemangigglegirlnoelBDGarpslyoung5UnFitz
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    My superpower is pretending I don't see red flags.

    • 793
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_CroweJamMcMiserableStephenBCramerTheRealRHBrobertseuan______MILFDiane
    • 296
    • RETWEETS
    McMiserablerobertseuan______BareChestyenragedpaigeCletusHammergunnerfan69__BeardedEoghanFlyingoffhandle
    gingerfacedthedayofthedotChemBtwnUs________
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Whenever anyone asks me for my advice, I take their face in my hands, lean in real close & whisper "you realize I'm a fucking idiot, right?"

    • 728
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_CroweJamg4barryTlaxBoy05NarcissusMaxmussmirkykevA_Kuenamatata
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05smirkykevA_Kuenamatatasachi_bbsrTheRealRHBrobertseuan______notsogladwellBareChesty
    JaySaysStufftwo1ohhbabydollHey_SaschaSergioValenCoslyoung5ClassicMeganSuperStripers
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I'm not saying that you're boring and unattractive, but if you were an ice cream flavor you'd be the tub of water they rinse the scoops in.

    • 672
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_RANKINMIKEETlaxBoy05McMiserableStephenBCrameraquamarine316picacho5
    • 370
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05McMiserablesachi_bbsrTheRealRHBKittenWrittenaquamarine316ashleyjune93piousdevil
    TheWadestBrookeBabbling____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    The biggest turn-on is a man with a huge vocabulary who knows how to use it.

    Size matters.

    • 721
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_RANKINMIKEENinaKat72justkeni11TlaxBoy05A_KuenamatataStephenBCramer
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    NinaKat72TlaxBoy05TheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChestykansasgal70happy2931Tinkerbell_
    BlondeFacade______
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Before twitter I thought the insane were sad and they need to get some help; now I think they are hilarious and they need to get some stars.

    • 747
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_HonkyTonkJewTlaxBoy05canadian_janeTheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChesty
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05robertseuan______Bob_LawblawJaySaysStuffgunnerfan69__AdrianeZanealhudockwardnick3
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Found a skittle in my bra. Ate it. Sadest Saturday night ever.

    • 751
    • FAVS
    NATxHANconcretesledge_HonkyTonkJewTlaxBoy05sachi_bbsrTheRealRHBrobertseuan______BareChesty
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05TheRealRHBrobertseuan______RealShaughngunnerfan69__futietonJaySaysStuffmatthewchan
    QuickBJ__________chrisanna4real
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Someone just told me to "have a blessed day."
    What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.

    • 643
    • FAVS
    NATxHANzombiiiloveOneWonderWomang4barryeliza_freedbuttchinselfiesTlaxBoy05StephenBCramer
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    zombiiiloveg4barryTlaxBoy05sachi_bbsrTheRealRHBjanellealyserobertseuan______quirkisms
    NolaChef504BruppFWTXthr33circles______1BigMickShoutingGoddess
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    I googled anal-retentive to see whether it needs a hyphen.

    • 672
    • FAVS
    ShoutingGoddessNATxHANTlaxBoy05beingtheoCheeseboy222happyrightjkramblesThatsMyBush
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy052happyrightThatsMyBushsmirkykevCroweJamA_KuenamatataTheRealRHBrobertseuan______
    Kali_MuraWerbo1937________tweetcomedian
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    So it turns out that gluten is the stuff in food that gives you the will to live.

    • 530
    • FAVS
    SSparklesDailyChiiraCixelsidgodsodphlaugOlofsonArcadekthnxbithewaygefiltecatShoutingGoddess
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    geniaandhersShoutingGoddessVashWdsUnspokenTlaxBoy05concretesledge_myDavidg4barryemmamossphoto
    ramenfuneralWheelTod
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Let's face it, twitter is not a hobby...it's more of a symptom.

    • 572
    • FAVS
    MsPametnicatiki70Htown49erFanNATxHANlacrossemom5dxblarssonENGTlaxBoy05concretesledge_
    • 197
    • RETWEETS
    Strinzo13seattlerayartNATxHANTlaxBoy05robertseuan______danarox33BareChestyhirojesus
    GreenheadsOnly____
  • Angrea
      Alpacino @Angrea

    Keeping a secret is hard.
    Being a secret is even harder.

    • 514
    • FAVS
    Htown49erFanhaykshanNATxHANstacibonbonVashWdsUnspokenTlaxBoy05HeyZeus666concretesledge_
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05robertseuan______BareChestynewstart43Winsome_Wenchfairy__unicornhirojesusRealShaughn
@Angrea

@Angrea

I accidentally said Spirk and Kock once. Practicing Canadian.