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Sometimes the universe tries to tell you something and you ignore it. When it starts screaming, do as it says.
End the night with this one. A sweet, human moment: Okla. tornado survivor finds dog buried alive under rubble http://cnet.co/12qrPkt
The longer and deeper the disappointment, the more motivated and prepared you are to truly succeed.
@anniedillz That just made me miss you so much! I need a vacation super soon. If you're available let me know, would love to visit!
Men and women can be friends AFTER they make out to get it out of the way.
"So I Married an Axe Murderer" was the last movie before everyone whitened their teeth.
Suitable Closings Apology Email After I Drunkenly Destroyed My Cubicle In Front Of Coworkers http://tcat.tc/TOInA9
P. Diddy driving a minivan telling kids who need to pee "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT WE WON'T STOP!"
@marcmaron @sethrogen I got super skinny from bulimia so now my Fam never knows whether to congratulate or be concerned when I get fat
@sethrogen @shelbyfero My mom said she couldn't love me if I was fat. #GoodMom
Congratulations on graduation, everyone. Your degree means nothing, your career will be unfulfilling and you'll die before you can retire.
The sites! The sounds! The folk! The fun things to do at all hours of the day & night! If you can hold your pee in forever, NYC is for you!
I MIGHT cry this is so beautiful. RT @beccanthropy: Rob Delaney-themed Scrabble game. pic.twitter.com/BNOOctfBwe
Living the Sober Party Dream. Let it get weird.
