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If you're a dude.. with a penis.. and you listen to Drake, you're dead to me.
New STD called, "feelings".. Don't catch that shit.
If I appear as if I'm deeply thinking, I'm probably just imagining you naked.. And how bad you'd look.
On this glorious April fool's day. I will call my mother up and inform her that I am 2 months pregnant.
I like how people sum up their whole existence in a sentence. Wife, daughter, fashion mogul, blabla.. U forgot to mention pretentious bitch.
Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman.
Don't bullshit a bullshitter.
We should sacrifice a non virgin just to fuck with Satan. Like.. "HA! GOTCHA!"
As a toddler, when other girls were playing dress up your doll, I was watching Chucky, observing and learning.
Too bad when I turn my location on, it wont mention that Im in the bathroom.. Under the bed.. or @ my neighbour's when his wife's not there.
I could use a very unhealthy junk meal right about now :-(
I mislead people like a motherfucker.
But i do it unintentionally, I promise.
Dear women, stop fooling yourselves. We all know you don't like that metrosexual crap. You're into cave men!
Calling all ugly men.. Holla.
I require a 5'10 male, late twenties/ early thirties, never married, for publicity reasons.
For the Maury show, to be specific.
My jokes are so much funnier in person cause I got a nice rack.
Why can't I have a man sing to me like those nerds on Glee.
I think my middle finger has had too much caffeine… it's been up all day.
We all know a douchebag named George.
How hard is it to be on time? If I fuckin respect appointments and am there on fuckin time, then I fuckin expect you to do the fuckin same.
live, laugh, love and be fearless, baby! cause this too shall pass.. A born-again Christian [John 3:16]