When your asshole itches, that means someone's talking shit about you.

Congrats @ronigrace! @annoyedguy2 picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day: http://t.co/C9M6lBaP

I bet Obama smells good, like cinnamon maybe.

@kingofalltweets you won't be gayer than me until you're the bottom or until you wear this costume http://t.co/RjIA5PVR

@annoyedguy2 Congrats on your 50★ tweet! http://t.co/FzbqnChh

Bum Santa is looking forward to bum christmas coming early with this friday being #MyBumMyAvi Get cheeky twitter!

@annoyedguy2, 222 Favs! Your tweet has been favorited by 222 people. http://t.co/mCpBiohE

Say no to drugs when the drugs start asking you questions.

Congrats @annoyedguy2! @facciabella picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day: http://t.co/vQeibjn1

RT @annoyedguy2: "I don't actually have a son."<-- Invents children for comedic purposes. Fucking savage!!

@annoyedguy2, 200 Favs! Your tweet has been favorited by 200 people. http://t.co/uBFtYbkZ

Congrats @annoyedguy2! @sarcazm2 picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day: http://t.co/A913VkAj

@annoyedguy2, 69 Favs! Your tweet has been favorited by 69 people. http://t.co/4AzmyW9c

All I know is that someone pissed me off yesterday & now I can't remember who it was or why.

@annoyedguy2, 69 Favs! Your tweet has been favorited by 69 people. http://t.co/vcyaRkUI

@annoyedguy2 Congrats on your 50★ tweet! http://t.co/WZ3rYHmj

Calling me "awesome" is like cheerleader dressed in red, waving a red flag at a bull who really really REALLY hates red

The entire snake vocabulary can be spelled with Skittles.

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Do you want a blow job or do you want a sandwich? Because you're not getting both.

*hint: I'm not good at sandwiches.