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"Can't wait until I grow up & inexplicably become a chef at a fancy expensive restaurant!" -- every tattooed kid into punk rock in the 1980s
Documentarians: Please stop interviewing your subjects in front of their shelves, because I can't help focusing on the books/albums they own
I was the only girl on a 25-email deep thread about Batman today, in case anyone wants to get married
Do the dudes who work on Catfish go, "What do I do for a living? I professionally fly to people's houses and Google stuff for them."
How cold hearted & arrogant is the ground control guy in Bowie's Space Oddity? "Tell my wife I love her very much--" "SHE KNOWS (eye roll)."
OK I KNOW Y'ALL ARE WATCHING BREAKING BAD BUT I CAN SEE THE LADY NEXT TO ME AT THE ATL AIRPORT SCROLLING THRU ALL THE DICK PICS ON HER PHONE
In college, someone asked me to proofread their paper; they spelled "bouquet" (of flowers) as "bookay." Still laughing about that in 2013.
MY GMAIL HAS BEEN DOWN FOR FIVE MINUTES! I ALREADY GREW A BEARD AND MOVED INTO A CABIN DEEP IN THE WOODS! TECHNOLOGY HAS BETRAYED US!
A dude comic was all "I don't go to strip clubs, strippers are too sad/pathetic" & I was like "You talk about your dick into a mic onstage"
With all the differences they list, how come one of the lyrics in Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract wasn't "I exist / and you're a cartoon" ?
Relationship Status: just openly rolled my eyes at a couple feeding each other ice cream at an outdoor cafe
When people go, "OMG my life is a movie!" I'm like, "Anyone's could be. Did you see the one where Vincent Gallo drove a truck for 2 hours?"
Most of the time I'm like, "What?" but then other times I'm like, "Huh?"
I wish I could excel at just one thing the way Will.I.Am excels at being terrible at everything. #rap #cap #nap
Another Favorite Film Genre: Just This One Last Heist, Guys, Then I'm Out of the Life Forever, and I Really Mean It This Time
A cool thing about being an adult is I dreamt about pancakes & then I woke up & went to a restaurant & ordered them & no one could stop me.
I feel like Natalie Portman's laugh just killed a million indie dudes' boners. #goldenglobes
I should've started R.A.P.E. — Rappers Against Phony Entertainers. http://aprilrichardson.com