I'm never good with goodbyes...so I always say "That'll do pig".

Fuck therapy, get Twitter.

My new apartment has a beautiful view of the liquor store.

Life is beautiful. Humanity needs to leave it the fuck alone.

Just a few more years of sleep please.

My panic room is my fridge.

It's not the quantity of followers you have. It's the quality.

Pajamas are just Wal-Mart tuxedos.

My greatest fear everytime I'm shopping at Wal-Mart is that a Kid Rock concert will suddenly start and I will have no where to escape.

Hey young women, grab a book, learn a few things, and the world will open up more than your damn legs. Sincerely, Intelligence is sexy too.

If you are losing followers then maybe you are starting to win at life, right?

Let people feel the weight of who you are. And let them deal with it.

I honestly think my coffee table's sole purpose in life is to stub my toe every time in the dark.

I'm going to fake being sick today at my job to leave early. If that doesn't work, then my own death.

People blocking, unfollowing, then eventually coming back to me, makes me wonder if I give them withdrawals. If I do, seek help immediately.

Everyone before and after her didn't matter. She nearly destroyed me. This is why I embrace the moon. Always lonely no matter how romantic.

I fuck too good to be this single.

Cinco de mayo wants you to shut the fuck up.

It's like women don't give a fuck anymore.

Friends with my ex? Sure. After I adopt this dead dog.