Just noticed MTV has a twitter account. No music videos on that either.

I’m never faking an orgasm. Unless it’s my husband, cause you know, he pays the bills and shit.

I don't trust men without tattoos, I feel like they can't commit.

Dear Twitter: I love you because you mirror my social ideology that deep down we are all full of shit anyway...adrift in a sea of denial.

Hush, hush my sweet little ginger boy, Mommy will steal you another soul.

Any woman can have the man of her dreams...just fall asleep and there he is! It's finding the man of your reality that gets complicated...

Quantum theories suggest that when not directly observing this tweet it may cease to exist or exist only in a vague and undetermined state

Of course I like men with long hair..provided you play guitar & wear pants so tight I can see the outline of your dick from 4th row balcony

After a couple of years marriage pretty much becomes telling each other stuff that you both will later claim not to remember being told.

Hubs bought a new faucet w/o consulting me. Hell hath no fury like a women deprived of an opportunity to spend more money than necessary.

Back from the doctor! I just love it when we both agree on the type of drugs I need.

If variety is the spice of life, some people need heavy seasoning.

Guys, my husband sings in the car. Loudly. Wait, gets better...opera music. It's fucking terrifying. I'm too white trash for this shit.

When Hub offers to cook I am as excited & hopeful as I was on our wedding day. Conveniently forgetting that it, too, ended in vomit & tears.

Hey Twitter, guess what? I give a fuck. Not necessarily about twitter, but, you know, just in general.

I love drummers, they’re the only ones who truly understand women. Nobody really sees you if you have a big rack.

Fuck it, I'll say it...if scientists really CARED, they'd be cloning Rockstars by now.

I bet the devil listens to classical music. Just kidding, I don't believe in the devil.

Marathon sex is overrated, I want microburst sex. 20 minutes of tasmanian-devil devastation, and then ice cream.

You say it's a sad commentary on America that I’d rather my kid be a Rock Star than the President, but I say it's good parenting.