hello id like a reservation for two. also what is yr policy on cats. i wanna bring like seven cats. ive practiced fitting them on one chair

i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: "tell me the meaning of life". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box

girls who like boys who like girls who like voids

"ok now recite the alphabet backwards" su, zan, krul, pahl "what the heck is that" spellcasting alphabet.."well stop" shwal [cop evaporates]

men accuse women of makin up their faces like clowns, women accuse men of actin a clown, while real bloodthirsty clowns roam streets freely

dammn dude thats a sick transportation machine. what u got under tthe hood? sum kinda engine? shitt. how much explosive fuel do u use? daamn

alien scientists baffled by disgusted reaction to female bodyhair, continue tests for data&laughs. "Its jus hair dudes, grow up" they report

sext: i identify each of your limbs as lies. you identify each of my organs as false. we evaporate& intertwine into a combination of mists

take me down to purgatory city, where the grass is white and the sky is white and the girls don't look pretty or ugly

i dont think you 'get' twitter if youre not actively and simultaneously trying to gain and lose as many followers as you can

age 8: easterbuny not weal. age 12: santa not real. age 14: god isnt real. age 18: mayb god is real? not bible god. age ??: gender isnt real

Beer pours beer color. Has a slight tinge of beer foam foam. Aroma is beeresque. Tastes very beery, with an aftertaste of beer. Feeling drun

mr owl, how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop? [owls head rotates, begins to spit blood, eyes firing lasers]

the first rule of hug club is tell everyone. the second rule of hug club is hug everyone

lolololololol @ "the newt" gingrich not knowing that there's already a secret moonbase. ignoramus, i'm floatin in it rite now, havin gay sex

do u remember when we concocted a mind erase elixir&spent the rest of our lives attempting to remember what we nearly died trying to forget?

son if you dont drop it like its hot right now im gonna call your uncle snoop over and hes gona make you smoke blunts until you friggin drop

[alarm is going off][u reach for the snooze button][u miss &hit the 'snooze into oblivion' button][u only wake up when time ceases to exist]

you guys realize when you talk your just making noises from the curve of your mouth hoping someone understands you (they dont)

sext: NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHING IS REAL NOTHIN