When posting on someone' FB page, how hard is it to spell their name correctly? It's RIGHT THERE.

@sodomyclown Exactly. These lippy hostages are a real buzzkill. Whatever happened to sweet victims who did what they were told? I blame MTV.

@sodomyclown You burrito worshipers make me sick. Anyone with a brain knows we are controlled by sentient horseradish cream sauce. Heathen.

Valentine's Day has become too commercial. It used to be about the massacres, now it's about cards. Meh.

@lizzwinstead Why do I get the feeling those two are going to use that thing for something more than just pooping???

If I ever contribute to a TT I hope it's this one. #BoneMarrowDonation It's part of #alicebucketlist and you should RT http://bit.ly/mPxPLH

@sodomyclown Why do these mixed nuts taste like repeated violations?

@sodomyclown The unreal children are the most dangerous.

We can't let #trendingtopics fly: nobody knows what will happen. We might all become birds or aluminum siding salesmen (and saleswomen).

Twitter, will there be naps? Tell me there will be naps.

Harry Potter and The Unimpeachable Testimony #lessinterestingbooks

The Lion in Late, Late Winter #unnecessarysequels

@theblessmess @littleharmonica @getoffendedcom Ladies, I have a job to do and you are not helping...

@getoffendedcom voila