Learning the hard way that a flaming inverted plastic bag is not the same thing as a hot-air balloon. #HardCoreMemories

Retweet if you too imagine little shrieks of horror when you dunk a gingerbread man into hot coffee.

"Tomorrow's geniuses are often today's lunatics." - Bernd Brunner
#quote

Glad to see I'm not the only one baffled by the $37B in vacuum tube exports for 2011. WTF? Horse-drawn buggies next?

Poking through the ashes to find the one firecracker that didn't go off; it just had a slow fuse. #HardCoreMemories

Realizing that molten plastic is very difficult to remove from skin & stings like a mofo. #HardCoreMemories

@desertshaman I remember! Used to watch b4 swim lessons. Never could seem to float right, but can draw just fine now :-)

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? CIA, KGB, Mafia, EBEs, Knights Templar, Girl Scouts of America, etc. #OpenYourEyesSheeple

Sesame Street outsources phone support jobs to cheap Martian labor. Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep #OccupySesameStreet

Narrowly avoided death last night by noticing soup can was slightly past expiration date. #LivingOnTheEdge

Exercise and healthy eating have their rewards, but I already miss the tranquility of not giving a damn.

Considering the prevalence of video games, it's surprising we're not overwhelmed with epidemic of thumb cancer.

#Everymanshouldknowhowto eliminate the Russian HIND assault helicopter using a standard NATO entrenching tool.

If you want to make it into the history books, better to fail spectacularly than to succeed quietly.

Problem with aforementioned quote: many of today's lunatics will still be lunatics tomorrow.

I hope this Egyptian unrest doesn't upset that giant dung beetle who rolls the sun across the sky each day.

What's with all the frenetic flashing disco Xmas lights? Was the 12 foot inflatable glowing Santa too subtle?

Crazy dog walkers shouting angrily as dogs tried to kill each other (or have sex, not sure). #ChristmasMemories

Heavily armed action figures battling for control of colorful electric choo-choo. Many derailments. #ChristmasMemories

Making a fort with the big cardboard boxes that the decorations came in. #ChristmasMemories