I bet folks in the Victorian era used to scribble down their grievances on parchment and burn them in the fire, and that was their Twitter.

With all the negativity towards Nickelback on Twitter, I think it's important to remember that there's an even greater evil out there: Creed

Later tonight, I will fulfill a lifelong dream by placing milk duds on the counter and play Hungry Hungry Hippos with them.

Facebook would be way more metal if you could send an enemy request.

Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.

I'm the Leaping Lanny Poffo of self-deprecating humor.

TV weather girl talking about snow- "Expecting eight inches tonight"....my thought, "not with a face like that, you're not."

I'm hot as fuck.

When I go to Wal-Mart.