Also, can we get an AM round of applause for @patbaer, Chuck D and the rest of the crew keeping DCM running like clockwork. #DCM14

MSNBC has called Vermont for Obama with 0 total votes in and 0% reporting. I mean, I know, but come on guys.

Everybody deserves a boat! #SOTU

Oh my god you guys. I AM SO SORRY. My alarm went off at Zero Dark Forty Five. Did I miss it? They didn't leave already, did they?

Hey West Coast assholes, how you like living in the PAST?!

A libertarian is someone who only eats libraries, right?

The #Patriots look like they're gonna be CHAMPIONS!*
(*of a dick-eating contest)

Seize the day, NYU photography students! #sandy

But by all means, keep the lights on in Times Square. #Sandy

"Yo mama so stupid she thinks women deserve equal pay for equal work." #RomneyZingers @jeffkreisler @ahoynickstevens @seancrespo

Rex wrote his first song parody today. It goes, "Twinkle twinkle little grapes. Grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes grapes." #winning

"President Obama has never even run a lemonade stand!" Granted. I mean, he's run the USA for four years, but that's no lemonade stand. #RNC

"See that building over there? Is that Twin Towers?" - kid next to me on the train. Guess I'd better tell him what happened.

Just overheard some someone say "he's a narcissist" and I instantly assumed she was talking about me.

My son, all of 19 months old, is equally obsessed with Elmo and Beyonce.

CNN calling the election for McCain

@ucbtheatreeast 10 PM, Hot For Teacher - the UCB teacher show! w/ @frankhejl @dougmoe @nicolemtherese Kate Riley & special guest Joe Bill!

I would have given her $100 if she had said "Argo... Fuck yourself."

Hot For Teacher: Improv comedy done by pros. Tonight, 10 PM @ucbtheatreeast w/ @thejohnmurray @dougmoe @frankhejl Terry Withers & Kate Riley

Joan Rivers's red carpet work is ON POINT tonight. #SOTU