Would you believe me if I said I killed that cactus with love?

Proof persistence pays: a cup from the inimitable @aristotlesnz!! TY, sugar.

@formergrunt @aristotlesnz only a non-virgin could have tweeted this.

"Time to let all the people know the baby's name! How do you make white smoke with this?"

"Kanye...that's a gas fireplace."

It took me 15 months but I finally killed a cactus today.

@aristotlesnz

Thanks for the visit Bro...

*pulls away from kissing* anyway when you look at the evidence, it's clear that only a controlled demolition could hav

@aristotlesnz thats why its a 'dog' whistle! its specially made to compensate for the lack of lips.

@dadcamp @aristotlesnz

That smell had been gone from my house for many years. And don't miss it a bit!

Marriage is basically all about watching the Kardashians. @aristotlesnz

@aristotlesnz at least they get shot on 'the walking dead'.

@mcmcmadmac @aristotlesnz I miss that smell. You will too.

@aristotlesnz if I were a king, you'd be my full time jester. You wouldn't even be punished for fucking my queen!

@aristotlesnz That truly deserves a round of applause.

@aristotlesnz human "i want to know" "god""well, if you stick that telescope up your * far enough you'll find our ur brains shrunk"30000yrs

#PaulasBestDishes roasted cat o' nine tails with lightly grilled servitude

Hey Hunter,

Kaitlin thinks you're cute.

My husband just told me I rock his world.

Does that mean I have to quit Twitter? I dunno if I have anything unhappy to tweet about now.

I'm spoiled because I'm nice.

And I bat my eyelashes.

And have big puppy dog eyes.

And I wear short skirts.

And I have big boobs.

I don't need to go to med school to know how cool and crazy you are, you just have to tell me how many times you have watched Pulp Fiction.

The second that I saw you, I knew you'd always be first.