Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
This Vicodin tastes like the hugs dad never gave me.
Message just popped up on Favstar. "Stop refreshing the page, no one thinks you're funny"
A list of things I suck at:
(1.) Making lists
(54.) Opening Pickle Jars
Do agoraphobics reply to Knock Knock jokes?
Oh no please keep telling me about your vacation. Rolling my eyes and doing the masturbating motion is a sign of respect in my culture.
Me- Babe, you wanna go out tonight?
Girlfriend- I don't exist
Just bought a Che Guevara shirt to impress this hippie chick in class. Now I gotta wikipedia who this asshole is.
"Roses are black, Violets are black, Sunflowers are black, Daffodils are black" - Blind people
The best part about being an attractive teenage girl would be getting 46 "likes" on a Facebook status that says "It's really hot outside".
Most guys who play guitar spend most of their time thinking of ways to start conversations to let people know they play guitar.
Drinking game for everyone watching the royal wedding. Take a shot of Hydrochloric Acid every time you're watching the royal wedding.
How do I uninstall the "people calling and talking to me" app on the iphone?
If you want to hear the sound of 40 people clenching their assholes, board a bus with me while i'm wearing a backpack.
I spend a lot of my time imagining a Tyrannosaurus Rex trying to open up a pudding cup. Yeah, I don't know why I'm single either.
Going door to door reading my Physics textbook to Jehovah's Witnesses.
Hey guys, we don't have to worry about Cancer anymore. I just re-posted a Facebook status about it.
Hot pockets I make are always one of two flavors. "Biting into an ice cube" or "scorching fuckin lava from the deepest depths of hell"
Hell is sitting on a couch with a remote control just out of your reach with a 24-hour marathon of Tyler Perry comedies.
I only judge a man by how many urinals away from me he pees in an empty bathroom.
Just broke my personal record for most days gone without being mauled to death by a bear.
Writer/Musician/Former baby/Future dead guy. Stop reading this shit and go read a book.