"The best way to be a friends with benefits is to keep your heart closed and your legs open...like a lady." #GirlCode @hannahmarijon

"@suckstosucks: it's so expensive being a girl.."

"@alanhungover: I swear some people were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural."

"@alanhungover: Did you fall from heaven? Because have sex with me. #NoValentinePickupLine"

"@alanhungover: The least popular Christmas gift this year? Penn State children's pajamas."

What I would give to have Beyonce's legs.

"@comedyposts: seniors: i hate freshmen. juniors: i hate freshmen. sophomores: i hate freshmen. freshmen: i hate freshmen."

@shiningsweetz I'm sorry sweetie<3

"@cody_cordwell: “Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life spent in a miserable way.” – Alan Watts"

"@drakee_ymcmb: Physically, mentally, emotionally tired."

"@drakee_ymcmb: Hoes? That's the shit you don't wife."

"@jesus_m_christ: Remember how I helped the poor? Could you guys, I dunno, go try that?"

"@fillwerrell: Obama rhymes with Ohana. Ohana means family & family means nobody gets left behind. Mitt rhymes with shit."

Me:you ever go on omegle? Shawn:whats o-bagle. Me: no omegle. Shawn: oh no, i never went on omega. @hannahmarijon @elizabethann789

So after watching breaking dawn my dad asks my dog...."are you a real wearwolf?"...oh god -_-