My sister's a lesbian and I've sucked a black man's dick. My Republican parents are so proud.

Let's be honest. None of us would be here if we were getting enough sex.

No shave November? If I wanted an itchy beard between my legs I'd just stop shaving my pussy.

9 year old cousin asked what sperm is so I told her it's something that tastes like Christmas morning. You're welcome, her future boyfriends

My parents have mastered the three "R's" of being old white people: religion, racism, and Republicanism.

The DVR should have an asshole alert to remind me when I'm watching commercials during recorded shows.

I give out stars like I give out blow jobs. To anyone who fucking wants them.

So Kim Kardashian is single and the McRib is back. Black men are having the best week ever.

Ever heard the phrase, "If you won't suck his dick, someone else will"? I am someone else.

The best thing I can offer guys is a vagina not destroyed by a child yet.

I'd give up every star I've ever gotten for a good lay right now.

If a woman tells you she doesn't smell her fingers after masturbating, she's lying.

Your mouth is my favorite bra.

Vibrators are great but they don't smack you on the ass mid-thrust.

Guys, if you take some time to passionately make out with me, I'll take some time to passionately suck your dick.

I bet Jennifer Aniston doesn't swallow.

If Skype wasn't invented for video sex then what's the point?

Every woman is sexy in her own way. Find it. Flaunt it.

Fuck like you're auditioning for porn.

If your lips are dry I've got a wet pussy that could help.