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Marrying your girlfriend can be expensive but you'll save a few characters on Twitter.
People who have thick rugs on their floors are always having sex on them & people who have thick stained rugs on their floors are gross.
Interesting how a lot of English words are derived from the Latin spelling and new words are derived from the bad spelling.
Pilots named Jane are probably sick of hearing those plane Jane jokes.
Feng shui is when you put something in the wrong spot but it looks right, like dementia.
Pretty sure young me would hate the clothes old me wears but old me just doesn't give a fuck.
Whenever you see an adult male riding a bicycle you know they've either lost their license over a DUI or they've gone completely crazy.
Pretty fucking sick of instant karma, what about some maybe I'll sleep on it karma for a change.
and there we go.
Every single time I post anything online I regret it 30 seconds later.
There's no New Age anymore it's old age & all the SNAGs have turned into sensitive old grey yuppies, so go snag yourself a SOGY.
What do you think of when you hear the word bingle, is it crash as in unfortunate accident or Lara as in unfortunate accident.
I finally confide about my X-ray vision because she told me she can see people's auras then all of a sudden I'M the weirdo.
here on account of all the tweets
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