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I can go for months without even talking to myself but then we have all this crazy catching up to do.
If she could take a hint I wouldn’t have to take a painkiller.
We should make Freddo Frogs out of cane toads instead of regular frogs & no need to thank me Cadbury because solving problems is what I do.
She's still single because whenever she meets a group of hot guys she gets her period, it's called social stigmata.
Those people born in tents are some real motherfuckers.
My other pet hate is when someone in the house uses all the hot water like they were born in a tent.
My pet hate is when someone leaves the washing up brush in the bottom of the sink like they were born in a tent.
People hate it when you ask for cigarettes or privacy.
I'd like my money back for this internal cleanse.
My poo didn't come out fast enough.
Yes it came out but just the same way it always does.
It ticks all the boxes. -Me ticking boxes.
It's probably okay to give Nurofen to babies because you never hear of them having strokes.
Wipe your penis on your sleeve so no one gets suspicious of all the water droplets on your pants.
Seriously I don't even mind weevils I just call them cupboard oysters.
I'm not so good with pets or houseplants but I can keep a family of weevils alive for years.
Ever notice how Michelle Pfeiffer is in all the classic movies like Scarface & Grease 2.