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For Sale: Life.
Will consider swap or trade for item of similar value.
The best thing about drowning is that you can be undrowned by someone sexy.
It's a little known made up fact that microfibre is made out of belly button lint & that's the reason it's expensive & why it's often blue.
The people who said weed will never be popular again because meth is better might realise how wrong they were if they weren’t all dead now.
In the middle of puff pastry.....that's the way spinach & feta rolls.
Those women who deliver their babies in the car before they get to hospital are probably quick on the toilet too.
All I need is a good night's sleep & a miracle.
You tell me how music saved your life & I'll tell you how you wouldn't pay to download a song if your life depended on it.
Pathology finally sent the results of my blood test & all it said was delicious. Fucking weirdos.
It's weird how grandmas like to be left sitting in hot cars with the windows up while you shop but babies don't.
I guess it's about time I did something romantic for her. Fuck!
Money hoarders are way worse than regular hoarders, maybe just spend some already fuckers.
Hang a framed painting on the wall then occasionally check behind it.
-How to get a safe.