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The people who said weed will never be popular again because meth is better might realise how wrong they were if they weren’t all dead now.
In the middle of puff pastry.....that's the way spinach & feta rolls.
Those women who deliver their babies in the car before they get to hospital are probably quick on the toilet too.
All I need is a good night's sleep & a miracle.
You tell me how music saved your life & I'll tell you how you wouldn't pay to download a song if your life depended on it.
Pathology finally sent the results of my blood test & all it said was delicious. Fucking weirdos.
It's weird how grandmas like to be left sitting in hot cars with the windows up while you shop but babies don't.
I guess it's about time I did something romantic for her. Fuck!
Money hoarders are way worse than regular hoarders, maybe just spend some already fuckers.
Hang a framed painting on the wall then occasionally check behind it.
-How to get a safe.
I don't know all the lyrics to that Train song but the ones I do know are truly terrible.
They're finally showing netball on TV, that's a win for the lesbians.
I hate throwing food away, unless my girlfriend cooked it then it's just safer for everyone.
I bet Gwyneth Paltrow looked at the Jennifer Lawrence pictures.
I only ever buy cheddar cheese because mum told me it lasts for up to two years in your lunchbox.