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Food is so expensive now that soon it's going to be cheaper to buy a new phone than a bag of rice to dry it in.
In the future staff at hospitals won't even be allowed to revive people with their own phones.
I bet Nike enforce a strict No Drugs policy in all of their sweatshops.
If I had to choose between watching Birdman again or Selena Gomez talk about her music video I'd...I just don't know what the fuck I'd do.
Everything you buy from butcher shops causes cancer, that's why they have to wrap it all in plain paper packaging.
There should be a law prohibiting film makers from hiring the same actors for every movie, maybe call it The J. Law
I bet the biggest problem with a Tiny House is that every time you cook dinner it turns into a food truck.
I'd like to see the TinyHouses show do an episode on tiny brothels but not those ones with midgets.
Weird how all the worst shows on TV this year had dots & numbers after their name, here's a list of them:
This Ray Donavon T-shirt is pretty uncomfortable, sleeves are all bunchy.
I'm going to dump Twitter next year so I hope one of you is writing all this down.
Guess it's lucky Kanye didn't run at the same time as Donald or the whole thing might have looked a little silly.
Spare a thought for Mariah Carey & Wacko Packo who have to spend all of their holidays counting money & octaves.
I rarely use Twitter lately & I probably won't be using it until I'm finished writing my new book, Popular Fish & STDs Caught at Byron Bay.
Health authorities say our Perth beaches are probably safe if the water isn't murky & there's no dead fish, so where the bloody hell are ya?
what a shithole
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