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  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    I carry a knife, but it's just in case of cake.

    • 4,874
    • FAVS
    herrer_isacjaijoxmehmoh1366FabDorkseamussaidopenchakrastarsgirl123nigelgodwin
    • 3,333
    • RETWEETS
    Half_QuixoticBasketcase2000Danyx92lynzz_madThatIndiangrlFabDorknigelgodwinKn_ockers77
    Cunda22iamjeffsloan1HappytwitWULFDEANAlyssa_Jolie__JosesLovesYouHairyJew4LifecharlzeroTheDairylandDonLollyVpBillFienbergMouVanLeeMr_goose007scratchysinghiamfase_jennjennzachreinert03ladyfiredancerBlondechachazxgravityxz_wangweBuzzWorthinesspatcasey72LindaInDisguiseSlayerSays________KDsMorningCindyNoPantsdrunkNnaughtyavaricious1sameblacklist____ruffyoungle_don_juan__lllvvvzzzgrumpysalmongavinpivottfrescuroSRbetascotthellrisingCopulatermanthetobbieGingerGanderPrincessBailyLuckypuffs________dhilliard74eliserose5GimpySunshine____ohwrigley________Traceylei2noahjohnmac______RamitologyGhetto_TrophyrunawaycupcakejohngayseegavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottburntmybagelCruelMeigaddscrapCarmel_ColemankellyskellygavinpivottSam19eighty______shatty48GetCougarizedgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottrenderuntocesarjedfudallyElephartMuath_tu__________KatarinaKrizDeschainGilead____h_om_ebound______Feral_FelinityGHCanada__________teamsilence32____BashfullsmileDukeOfOyl________Jennifergr8WickedSicaEatGarbageJayTheDrunkBathing_in_Sin____iNusku____________LaughingLesbiantweetcomedian
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    I bet cats are pissed they can’t sit on televisions anymore.

    • 3,897
    • FAVS
    DarkTallBastardbiakabutukahartmanpedalsMarinottiVandaHormonellaAMBEJ0Hey_Its_Tarrahthetouchco
    • 2,650
    • RETWEETS
    hartmanpedalsAMBEJ0Hey_Its_TarrahNolaChef504penpalarsenalThrill_Tweeterizzabellitaerinashleyx
    WULFDEAN_wangwegrimpossiblekamiekaymee__naazihahNinjaFuneral______BillFienbergMrsJekyllsHydele_don_juan__Sarcasmo718NoorShammalovablelucasItalianMongoyImpeccableRogueBarebakAssassinRowanElHossaryjake_likes_napskelkulusCruelMeigaEFFFFFFYOU________pzumkHeatherLuvsYousameblacklist____UglyPrick________RamitologyKatarinaKrizBacon_Ball________KKAlThaniDatBarberCanCut5haelIdeajuicerevenantparisSalMazrooeilaurahapper______PrincessAlexx_____InsertName_EvanRipperReed
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    "So you don't KNOW any of these people?" is a Facebook users first comment when Twitter is explained.

    • 3,439
    • FAVS
    DarkTallBastardSlamacherkrishna_vanShadyLadyHHHotelBarrydalepangieevee__CanadianMclovinfusedude
    • 1,682
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanShadyLadyHHHotelBarrydalefusedudeEightinchgoatTehmashKhanThatSapphireBelElephart
    le_don_juan__iamfaseWULFDEANgigglegirlnoelreverendmowgGingerGandernoahjohnmac______10InchesPluseliserose5BrentweetsPawnYourLifehoneybadgerMelJaden76JaySuchfrescurothatstingsthetobbiefarleftcoastCruelMeigaDeschainGilead____piplipsyuriers__________roadkill3xtrialfemmellvvzzWittBanterEmileeCaro
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    When a girl says, "I think we should talk," it's never about the Bat Mobile.

    • 3,111
    • FAVS
    lawaljalalDarkTallBastardEric_the_BoldSlamachersneezy20340967bobw1obongripsandtitskrishna_van
    • 1,879
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardsneezy20340967bobw1okrishna_vanHotelBarrydaleDisasterp1ceSavageAphroditefusedude
    stuckwithgreenBillFienbergDumbConfessionsWULFDEANilgrandechuckCuddleYourCatgrimpossibleJimmywibbles______prontopuppeachey_keenCognitive_DissWrigleyAwards____itswrigley________ohwrigley________GingerGanderUpturnedBathtubCruelMeigaiamfasebrakconoahjohnmac______HesOrHers________CroweJamCrMul____________YearOfRatSarcasmo718DeschainGilead____iTomFooleryzachreinert03ashley_barnhillNotJustJack______colewagoner
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys,
    I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does.

    • 3,075
    • FAVS
    lawaljalalDarkTallBastardWindyCity_PeachhairrulzNikoleBainVikeeysSecretEric_the_BoldForNeverNAlways
    • 1,097
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardkenni75victoriax14MrNooksterNikoleBainVikeeysSecretkrishna_vanShadyLadyHH
    VikeeysSecretGingerGandercharlzeroWULFDEANMrsJekyllsHydeBigBBanterDadInUtahsameralkhouryloribuckmajorFredPollack10InchesPlusimrel0adBrentweetsPjSparkless______ddscrapFragileFriend____YasmeenMSCruelMeigagavinpivottIFAILEDSOBRIETY__Jackal_Parade____HeadkutterAmburglar_Carmel_ColemanMiketheSourcer
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    When a woman says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space & finish building my Death Star before we go.

    • 2,487
    • FAVS
    DarkTallBastardEric_the_Boldkrishna_vandru0887MacKoolioHotelBarrydalepangieevee__CanadianMclovin
    • 1,205
    • RETWEETS
    MSWard52krishna_vandru0887HotelBarrydalefusedudeKerriLynnPDharmaDao________Eightinchgoat
    WULFDEANNaughtyDew_MoneypennyNakedmellimelleVintageBabe1212eikebatistaspbear79FloatersfinestWrigleyAwards____itswrigley________ohwrigley________H0TMessBarbieTheUnseenMe______kyledjackTheAdlysf14gavinpivottmoiragallagaWickedSicaTheBeerGuy73______dizzyidjitOhhhLuiss
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day,
    but give a woman a compliment & you could eat for a fucking week.

    • 2,429
    • FAVS
    Eric_the_Boldkrishna_vanHotelBarrydalepangieevee__stephentucker65Love_AndreaaaCasanovaBoy_fusedude
    • 907
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanHotelBarrydalepriyankajosyulaBathManReturnsfusedudeLjSteinhoffFren4chyFabTiffHall
    WULFDEANgunghokitty______Blondechachafilmbizproleft_flank_SirPrincessscratchysinghllvvzzz23_Liesjferg1616nativerogue747Pylot__________zachreinert03letsdancebitchsfunsizdprincess
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.

    • 2,382
    • FAVS
    Eric_the_BoldbiakabutukaSlamacherjdlong27krishna_vanJbzerr__curlyrachbooty04phuxache
    • 847
    • RETWEETS
    MSWard52krishna_vanJbzerr__dru0887HotelBarrydaleCyd_burtonTheFaheemPatelfusedude
    kyle_thatisallSteelFontanaiLightbulb________JosesLovesYoupartiallyproMasterOfFuryadamjlloydOhhhLuissLifeisamitchsameblackshoes1__ShazzaLM
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    Just found out that people here have their own opinion and sometimes it's different from mine. That's fucked up, I'm unfollowing everyone.

    • 2,093
    • FAVS
    DarkTallBastardEric_the_BoldbiakabutukaDawn_M_Jay_FrickinLynnTrailofSlimebonniejeannetxHollyMemphis
    • 1,050
    • RETWEETS
    SeanReezy25DarkTallBastardJay_FrickinLynnAmuk3_Knothead_ididntsaypleasemoodtoothlynspops
    WULFDEANjake_likes_napsgrumpysalmonhoneybadgerMelcazzawndruh__crayan9Lisa_Laughs_PeaceInTruth1GHCanada__________Fallun_Angel__StevieCarrellBitchingMe________NotJPo__
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    Most people are assholes, and then there's the rest of us who are all just a little fucked in the head from having to deal with that.

    • 2,130
    • FAVS
    CackleClubCtchandler247DarkTallBastarddru0887HotelBarrydaleSlutivaHtown49erFanfusedude
    • 946
    • RETWEETS
    trampslikeus2eTHEgoddessSissiSayDarkTallBastardHotelBarrydaleConnoiSirfusedudelycanthropy2001
    WULFDEANSinLegionMezMerrettn0punches________Lipgloss_NerdJayTheDrunkKateWinslutMoaningDoris
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    Retweets are like sex, the only people that complain about them are the ones that arent getting any.

    • 1,897
    • FAVS
    SissiSayDarkTallBastardHotelBarrydalefusedudeninkie76JeweldeleenEightinchgoatSavageAphrodite
    • 845
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardHotelBarrydalefusedudeninkie76EightinchgoatHeyZeus666InRealLifeNowThatSapphireBel
    WULFDEANavaricious1_wangweimrel0adEZ_GDeanB15Sarcasmo718Mr_Slugworth
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.

    • 1,936
    • FAVS
    GoldyWanKenobiSlamacheryoctopipsqueakkey_ogkrishna_vanHypercraxyunhorsed_fikiriBigg__
    • 796
    • RETWEETS
    MSWard52key_ogkrishna_vanHypercraxyunhorsed_fiSslut_KushitekiriBigg__bestpunever
    Dong_HangerNolaChef504littlekitnerboySarcasmo718DsTwitzUpturnedBathtublilpwoppaMr_goose007sssh_squirrelmeisologyJadedChainsGHCanada__________IFAILEDSOBRIETY__LaughingLesbianJoshinator
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can't drive.

    • 1,802
    • FAVS
    biakabutukakrishna_vanMoheat27IllEatYoFacebronactitleydru0887AllannochAbdellsalam
    • 906
    • RETWEETS
    Moheat27dru0887Ka_QlandayAustine_eHotelBarrydaleFunnyonelinersfusedudeSH318Y
    Dirty_Naomi__WULFDEANmegatron363BrookeBabbling____AverageGriffinNot_From_TroyJay__ZimAaronMichael_RudeRidingRomeoscratchysinghforrestleemusicjferg1616KatarinaKrizMikeyHill_SalMazrooeiComedyOfJonesy____Sarcasmo718MattDaddyO________Cpez38GHCanada__________PrincessAlexx_____
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    I will star serious tweets.
    I don't like them, but I understand we all run out of weed occasionally.

    • 2,203
    • FAVS
    Slamacheryoctopipsqueakkrishna_vandru0887HotelBarrydaleshakeethatashRabieAnnPerezAleisha
    • 504
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanHotelBarrydalefusedudeEightinchgoatli4mst3w4rtOne_FineMessQuickBJ__________stuckwithgreen
    patcasey72Jenny4ashleyMr_0rang3JermHimselfishCarter_TCBhoneybadgerMelxtopherswansonDanny_McH2O
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    You can try, but you can only hide psycho for so long.

    • 1,964
    • FAVS
    lipsticksmears_Maitresse67StupidSophia_HotelBarrydaleRabieAnnhmvh_hmhockneyfusedudeundonestar
    • 674
    • RETWEETS
    linz116chrisreidradioHotelBarrydalefusedudeHappyHijabbijchele2013Littlest_Slobojoyfullyj
    WULFDEANGingerGanderGhetto_TrophyLitra_In_Denial__shwebby2__________KPsych29__________KatarinaKrizMattDaddyO________LilRedRidngWoodJennifergr8JimmyTheThingBambamVictoria____AprilsMist
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    You know she’s a keeper if she lets you drive Matchbox cars over her naked curves and make vroom vroom noises.

    • 1,699
    • FAVS
    gypsybritchesat1stiwasafraidchandanmishra76PanditvaniiSpankBumsSlamacherkrishna_vanheatlebjorn
    • 854
    • RETWEETS
    at1stiwasafraidAkanshat13MSWard52iSpankBumskrishna_vanStephenBCramer__24k_mexTallHalfSweet
    VikeeysSecretHello_Bellainky37____________bulletproofQpidKatarinaKrizryan9billion______robocreepThedudishteddywah
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    I told my mum about how you unfollowed me and she said that it's your loss not mine.

    • 1,571
    • FAVS
    Eric_the_Boldbiakabutukadru0887BlondAmbitionTOmalapertmarenasharkies3raewheelerbookssenorlumpy
    • 652
    • RETWEETS
    SnehaNaidusharkies3krishna_vanHotelBarrydaleAngelaLovesNYawescarindecent_momWackticiousness
    zeninmakingSSDatedNoorShammascratchysinghIamEveryDayPplmahatmatweeterspotswojKKAlThaniSalMazrooeidjr_102preawsaurus
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    It might be just me but CSI seems a little like Scooby Doo for old people.

    • 1,557
    • FAVS
    Eric_the_Bolddru0887HotelBarrydaleSDPlissken1RabieAnnfusedudeangryannidoniaLoveIsLyricism
    • 511
    • RETWEETS
    JimMarshall007Unreal_1HotelBarrydaleThezainghoorfusedudeNabila_legTremarco_xJLynn
    MrsJekyllsHydeGFGanderzachreinert03Joeyaucoin
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    I love a good tweet with a typo, anything really beautiful has to have a small flaw.

    • 1,520
    • FAVS
    HotelBarrydalemoonbabi9PerezAleishafusedudeCapeTownBlonde60644xcleyogiScarsFourEyes
    • 396
    • RETWEETS
    HotelBarrydaledaisywaitsridefusedudeScarsFourEyespatricksarchiveFab5Dunn__soniadimaio68Rosekanjii
    WriterLifeCoBombaytweeting____MoneypennyNakedhiddenparticlesAbeeGeorgina______avaricious1PreachySnowTOOLLover1KatarinaKrizeSHAGNASTY________
  • Aspersioncast
      ass cast @Aspersioncast

    If the Terminator was female the line would have been,
    “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”

    • 959
    • FAVS
    SissiSaygypsybritchesat1stiwasafraidbiakabutukaPumpkinbabypieSlamacherkrishna_vanSDPlissken1
    • 484
    • RETWEETS
    at1stiwasafraidkrishna_vanleaherinxoneilprudencrucifysorrow14angrytamilianimpulsiveNDirty_Naomi__
    TheOneTrueDiscoKatarinaKriztinytittays
@Aspersioncast

@Aspersioncast

Minor improvements. No minors. Also no miners.

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