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  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    I carry a knife, but it's just in case of cake.

    • 4,857
    • FAVS
    Eh_RackIAmTheCrewGenevieve0404electricmeowstradlemonkeySabrinaFaiajoi_linOhYeahILied
    • 3,316
    • RETWEETS
    Christal_LGenevieve0404JennaalalalalaPaperCakes96bhhOhYeahILieddru0887carlosr1021
    Cunda22iamjeffsloan1HappytwitWULFDEANAlyssa_Jolie__JosesLovesYouHairyJew4LifecharlzeroTheDairylandDonLollyVpBillFienbergMouVanLeeMr_goose007scratchysinghiamfase_jennjennzachreinert03ladyfiredancerBlondechachazxgravityxz_wangweBuzzWorthinesspatcasey72LindaInDisguiseSlayerSays________KDsMorningCindyNoPantsdrunkNnaughtyavaricious1sameblacklist____ruffyoungle_don_juan__lllvvvzzzgrumpysalmongavinpivottfrescuroSRbetascotthellrisingCopulatermanthetobbieGingerGanderPrincessBailyLuckypuffs________dhilliard74eliserose5GimpySunshine____ohwrigley________Traceylei2noahjohnmac______RamitologyGhetto_TrophyrunawaycupcakejohngayseegavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottburntmybagelCruelMeigaddscrapCarmel_ColemankellyskellygavinpivottSam19eighty______shatty48GetCougarizedgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottgavinpivottrenderuntocesarjedfudallyElephartMuath_tu__________KatarinaKrizDeschainGilead____h_om_ebound______Feral_FelinityGHCanada__________teamsilence32____BashfullsmileDukeOfOyl________Jennifergr8WickedSicaEatGarbageJayTheDrunkBathing_in_Sin____iNusku____________LaughingLesbiantweetcomedian
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    I bet cats are pissed they can’t sit on televisions anymore.

    • 3,895
    • FAVS
    hartmanpedalsMarinottiVandaHormonellaAMBEJ0Hey_Its_TarrahthetouchcoHilhorstRaemcc51
    • 2,650
    • RETWEETS
    hartmanpedalsAMBEJ0Hey_Its_TarrahNolaChef504penpalarsenalThrill_Tweeterizzabellitaerinashleyx
    WULFDEAN_wangwegrimpossiblekamiekaymee__naazihahNinjaFuneral______BillFienbergMrsJekyllsHydele_don_juan__Sarcasmo718NoorShammalovablelucasItalianMongoyImpeccableRogueBarebakAssassinRowanElHossaryjake_likes_napskelkulusCruelMeigaEFFFFFFYOU________pzumkHeatherLuvsYousameblacklist____UglyPrick________RamitologyKatarinaKrizBacon_Ball________KKAlThaniDatBarberCanCut5haelIdeajuicerevenantparisSalMazrooeilaurahapper______PrincessAlexx_____InsertName_EvanRipperReed
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    "So you don't KNOW any of these people?" is a Facebook users first comment when Twitter is explained.

    • 3,436
    • FAVS
    ShadyLadyHHelephart2pangieevee__CanadianMclovinfusedudeSoonerjay75Chelle0219Eightinchgoat
    • 1,681
    • RETWEETS
    ShadyLadyHHelephart2fusedudeEightinchgoatTehmashKhanSapphireBelElephartkellyskelly
    le_don_juan__iamfaseWULFDEANgigglegirlnoeljudgemowgGingerGandernoahjohnmac______10InchesPluseliserose5BrentweetsPawnYourLifehoneybadgerMelJaden76JaySuchfrescurothatstingsthetobbiefarleftcoastCruelMeigaDeschainGilead____piplipsyuriers__________roadkill3xtrialfemmellvvzzWittBanterEmileeCaro
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    When a girl says, "I think we should talk," it's never about the Bat Mobile.

    • 3,103
    • FAVS
    Eh_RackShadyLadyHHdru0887elephart2pangieevee__CanadianMclovinDisasterp1ceryanogotspl
    • 1,875
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2Disasterp1ceSavageAphroditefusedudeadityaaomKatedumplingshrlksDharmaDao________
    stuckwithgreenBillFienbergDumbConfessionsWULFDEANilgrandechuckCuddleYourCatgrimpossibleJimmywibbles______prontopuppeachey_keenCognitive_DissWrigleyAwards____itswrigley________ohwrigley________GingerGanderUpturnedBathtubCruelMeigaiamfasebrakconoahjohnmac______HesOrHers________CroweJamCrMul____________YearOfRatSarcasmo718DeschainGilead____iTomFooleryzachreinert03ashley_barnhillNotJustJack______colewagoner
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys,
    I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does.

    • 3,065
    • FAVS
    ShadyLadyHHdru0887elephart2daisywaitsrideLord_JoJoCanadianMclovintricia_aliaslucyawino
    • 1,090
    • RETWEETS
    ShadyLadyHHelephart2poshyporscheUGANDANCRAZYfusedudezvinebasareiko__ConnallyHuntermatthewroyer
    GingerGandercharlzeroWULFDEANMrsJekyllsHydeBigBBanterDadInUtahsameralkhouryloribuckmajorFredPollack10InchesPlusimrel0adBrentweetsPjSparkless______ddscrapFragileFriend____YasmeenMSCruelMeigagavinpivottIFAILEDSOBRIETY__Jackal_Parade____HeadkutterAmburglar_Carmel_ColemanMiketheSourcer
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    When a woman says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space & finish building my Death Star before we go.

    • 2,484
    • FAVS
    dru0887MacKoolioelephart2pangieevee__CanadianMclovinLove_Andreaaafusedudejess_stratton
    • 1,203
    • RETWEETS
    dru0887elephart2fusedudeKerriLynnPDharmaDao________Eightinchgoatlongjuggleraka__smiley
    WULFDEANNaughtyDew__Ms_Moneypenny_mellimelleVintageBabe1212eikebatistaspbear79FloatersfinestWrigleyAwards____itswrigley________ohwrigley________H0TMessBarbieTheUnseenMe______kyledjackTheAdlysf14gavinpivottmoiragallagaWickedSicaTheBeerGuy73______dizzyidjitOhhhLuiss
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day,
    but give a woman a compliment & you could eat for a fucking week.

    • 2,427
    • FAVS
    elephart2pangieevee__stephentucker65Love_AndreaaaCasanovaBoy_fusedudecluehunt_mumbaiindigofizz
    • 906
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2priyankajosyulaBathManReturnsfusedudeLjSteinhoffFren4chyFabTiffHallIAmSaidWhiskey
    WULFDEANgunghokitty______Blondechachafilmbizproleft_flank_SirPrincessscratchysinghllvvzzz23_Liesjferg1616nativerogue747Pylot__________zachreinert03letsdancebitchsfunsizdprincess
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.

    • 2,377
    • FAVS
    Jbzerrcurlyrachbooty04phuxachedru0887elephart2fusedudeMirri_Catlizzurd
    • 845
    • RETWEETS
    Jbzerrdru0887elephart2Cyd_burtonTheFaheemPatelfusedudeKerriLynnPEightinchgoat
    kyle_thatisallSteelFontana__iLightbulb________JosesLovesYoupartiallyproMasterOfFuryadamjlloydOhhhLuissLifeisamitch__sameblackshoes1__ShazzaLM
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    Just found out that people here have their own opinion and sometimes it's different from mine. That's fucked up, I'm unfollowing everyone.

    • 2,070
    • FAVS
    04phuxachedru0887elephart2pangieevee__wingsimpliedTinksTravelsBlondegirlfrndNONCSM
    • 1,039
    • RETWEETS
    dru0887elephart2ELLYDON_ConnoiSirfusedudeNoEntryZoneTangledDokhtardraamchi
    WULFDEANjake_likes_napsgrumpysalmonhoneybadgerMelcazzawndruhcrayan9Lisa_Laughs_PeaceInTruth1GHCanada__________Fallun_Angel__StevieCarrellBitchingMe________NotJPo
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    Most people are assholes, and then there's the rest of us who are all just a little fucked in the head from having to deal with that.

    • 2,127
    • FAVS
    dru0887elephart2SlutivaHtown49erFanfusedudelycanthropy2001mnmaupinindigofizz
    • 942
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2ConnoiSirfusedudelycanthropy2001indigofizz11changa23Hayward_J_HermanMunster
    WULFDEANSinLegionMezMerrettn0punches________Lipgloss_NerdJayTheDrunkKateWinslutMoaningDoris
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    Retweets are like sex, the only people that complain about them are the ones that arent getting any.

    • 1,895
    • FAVS
    elephart2fusedudeninkie76JeweldeleenEightinchgoatSavageAphroditeCoatCzechInRealLifeNow
    • 844
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2fusedudeninkie76EightinchgoatHeyZeus666InRealLifeNowSapphireBelItsDemoray
    WULFDEANavaricious1_wangweimrel0adEZ_GDeanB15Sarcasmo718Mr_Slugworth
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.

    • 1,931
    • FAVS
    Hypercraxyunhorsed_fikiriBigg__dru0887elephart2fusedudeBldr_JohnEightinchgoat
    • 793
    • RETWEETS
    Hypercraxyunhorsed_fiSslut_KushitekiriBigg__bestpuneverAliABouzekrydru0887elephart2
    Dong_HangerNolaChef504littlekitnerboySarcasmo718DsTwitzUpturnedBathtublilpwoppaMr_goose007sssh_squirrelmeisologyJadedChainsGHCanada__________IFAILEDSOBRIETY__LaughingLesbianJoshinator
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can't drive.

    • 1,800
    • FAVS
    Moheat27IllEatYoFacebronactitleydru0887AllannochAbdellsalamJaden_kacqris13thGunner
    • 906
    • RETWEETS
    Moheat27dru0887Ka_QlandayAustine_eelephart2funnyonelinersfusedudeSH318Y
    Dirty_Naomi__WULFDEANmegatron363BrookeBabbling____AverageGriffinNot_From_TroyJay__ZimAaronMichael_RudeRidingRomeoscratchysinghforrestleemusicjferg1616KatarinaKrizMikeyHill_SalMazrooeiComedyOfJonesy____Sarcasmo718MattDaddyO________Cpez38GHCanada__________PrincessAlexx_____
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    I will star serious tweets.
    I don't like them, but I understand we all run out of weed occasionally.

    • 2,200
    • FAVS
    dru0887elephart2shakeethatashRabieAnnPerezAleishafusedudeindigofizzninkie76
    • 503
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2fusedudeEightinchgoatli4mst3w4rtOne_FineMessQuickBJ__________stuckwithgreenAndLive2Love
    patcasey72Jenny4ashleyMr_0rang3JermHimselfishCarter_TCBhoneybadgerMelxtopherswansonDanny_McH2O
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    You can try, but you can only hide psycho for so long.

    • 1,963
    • FAVS
    Maitresse67StupidSophia_elephart2RabieAnnhmvh_hmhockneyfusedudeundonestarSapphireBel
    • 674
    • RETWEETS
    linz116chrisreidradioelephart2fusedudeHappyHijabbijchele2013LittlestSlobojoyfullyj
    WULFDEANGingerGanderGhetto_TrophyLitra_In_Denial__shwebby2__________KPsych29__________KatarinaKrizMattDaddyO________LilRedRidngWoodJennifergr8JimmyTheThingBambamVictoria____AprilsMist
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    You know she’s a keeper if she lets you drive Matchbox cars over her naked curves and make vroom vroom noises.

    • 1,692
    • FAVS
    heatlebjorntheodohRisesKirstensDeskjfreeromeoashrav80TMRojaStephenBCramerdru0887
    • 849
    • RETWEETS
    StephenBCramer24k_mexTallHalfSweetfilmworm85Obannon2010ABumblebeesWingobsidianbuttrf1SteelCityDawn
    VikeeysSecretHello_Bellainky37____________bulletproofQpidKatarinaKrizryan9billion______robocreepThedudishteddywah
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    I told my mum about how you unfollowed me and she said that it's your loss not mine.

    • 1,569
    • FAVS
    dru0887BlondAmbitionTOmalapertmarenasharkies3raewheelerbookssenorlumpyKatMacpherson1krishna_van
    • 652
    • RETWEETS
    SnehaNaidusharkies3krishna_vanelephart2AngelaLovesNYawescarindecent_momWackticiousness
    zeninmakingSSDatedNoorShammascratchysinghIamEveryDayPplmahatmatweeterspotswojKKAlThaniSalMazrooeidjr_102preawsaurus
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    It might be just me but CSI seems a little like Scooby Doo for old people.

    • 1,556
    • FAVS
    dru0887elephart2SDPlissken1RabieAnnfusedudeangryannidoniaLoveIsLyricismJasonGSummers
    • 509
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2ThezainghoorfusedudeNabila_legTremarco_xJLynnDirty_Naomi__bendercats3510
    MrsJekyllsHydeGFGanderzachreinert03Joeyaucoin
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    I love a good tweet with a typo, anything really beautiful has to have a small flaw.

    • 1,520
    • FAVS
    elephart2moonbabi9PerezAleishafusedudeCapeTownBlonde60644xcleyogiScarsFourEyes
    • 396
    • RETWEETS
    elephart2daisywaitsridefusedudeScarsFourEyesdrknight_writerFab5Dunn__soniadimaio68RoseKanjii
    WriterLifeCoBombaytweeting_____Ms_Moneypenny_hiddenparticlesAbeeGeorgina______avaricious1PreachySnowTOOLLover1KatarinaKrizeSHAGNASTY________
  • Aspersioncast
      greg @Aspersioncast

    If the Terminator was female the line would have been,
    “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”

    • 952
    • FAVS
    SDPlissken1PlayingJed__Yo_Yo_Robocrucifysorrow14DellaBaBellaangrytamilianDirty_Naomi__jess_stratton
    • 482
    • RETWEETS
    leaherinxoneilprudencrucifysorrow14angrytamilianimpulsiveNDirty_Naomi__TheFlyInTheRoomTheAlexNevil
    TheOneTrueDiscoKatarinaKriztinytittays
@Aspersioncast

@Aspersioncast