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  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    I'm kind of a breast man, but I do like a nice ass too. Who the hell am I kidding? Is she still breathing? How long ago did she stop?

    • 127
    • FAVS
    ProudCanuckihuffpaintLargotierChrisDavisCWCseashellsFredPollacklauWineGJeffstruth
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    notsoanonihuffpaintjomartin26BackDawsShivordanfavstar1000favsWineBotWhoreFuzzyTheTongue
    violetsiva________
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Amazing. Got home, no wife or kids home. Turned on Pornhub. Didn't have to sneak around. I screamed loudly the whole 28 seconds

    • 67
    • FAVS
    FredPollacklauWineGJeffstruthMuscleMistress____Excapeplanslyoung5MrElMatadorSeanBlazed
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Pirate_TwinkieTellezezim1robFavstar500FavsTwatyTweetslivingnBostonmarimaricomcastl1zerd
    Cherhole__________
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    I want to get a cat and by cat I mean pussy and by get I mean fuck. I hope that was clear.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    CseashellsFredPollackJihadPizzalauWineGvonngilmoreMuscleMistress____ElephartStephenBCramer
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favssyke2727favstar_popPsychographEdasmoisburntPyrBliss
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Just thank me now. You all slept safe and sound last night because I wore my Iron Man pajamas to bed last night.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    FredPollackJihadPizzalauWineGJeffstruthMuscleMistress____GuyAdvisorKandiland09StephenBCramer
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    lauWineGPirate_TwinkieBluHypnoEyesfavstar_popKimanthemumMindyoftheMooimaamishfanco____
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    The woman next to me on the train has a chest that is more hairy than mine. Haven't decided yet if I am disgusted or jealous.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    CseashellslauWineGJeffstruthMuscleMistress____ElephartStephenBCramerSeanBlazedBri_1______
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    UNCLEMIKETWEETS
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    What's the right age to stop bathing with your kids? I need proof for my mom cause she says it's 50. Fuck her she comes, gotta go.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____IsdatsowrongpixelpiperStephenBCramerThatGabiTwatyTweetsNotThatKevinMrBrown_Eye__________
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    PortlandiaGirl____favstar_popjoaocunhaellandfilipekisschopper4jkLIRR_ExecutiveIRONNUMA
    chopper4jk
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Know what I like in a woman? My dick.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    lauWineGvonngilmoreMuscleMistress____StephenBCramerThatGabiBtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye___________RaginCaucasian
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    DolphinToucherPirate_Twinkie
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    How sad, I didn't even know favstar was down. I just thought it was another day of you assholes ignoring my amazingness.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____StephenBCramerThatGabiTwatyTweetsNotThatKevinBtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_Hater
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    EdithMacrotch
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Amazing, I can manage 10 servers, 150 computers and a massive network but I can't seem to get my fucking stapler to work right

    • 24
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____pixelpiperTwatyTweetsNotThatKevinBtwnUandMeHoe_Hatera_moriendi________OuterJohn
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    tollehausPowerpuss_________
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Facebook is the virgnal missionary position on your honeymoon while Twitter is like rough anal in the backseat of a car on prom.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____ElephartTwatyTweetsMrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_Hatera_moriendi________DickensnycAmy698792________
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    MaceTheJestershiny_knobvioletsiva________
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    I unfollowed you because you bring unfunny to my timeline. Take your tear jerking drama back to Facebook mom. Oh yeah and Happy Birthday

    • 24
    • FAVS
    HarrisetopherMuscleMistress____TwatyTweetsNotThatKevinHoe_Haterbthemda_moriendi________HannahAntics
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    imaamishfanco____
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Wife says I'm not funny. I beg to differ. There are 5 people on Twitter who star my shit and think I'm funny or retarded. Whatever..

    • 21
    • FAVS
    lauWineGMuscleMistress____NotThatKevinHoe_Hatera_moriendi________Dickensnycmissingblakesmermaid_tale__________
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ericas_twitthexdoctorximaamishfanco____
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    How stupid is my IT dept? They block Favstar but not Twitter. Wait, I am the IT dept. Nevermind. I'm gonna fix that right now.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____TwatyTweetsNotThatKevinBtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_HaterbthemdDickensnyc
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    This just in: the entire Bears team just took a pic of their dick and texted it to Brett Favre.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    JihadPizzaMuscleMistress____NotThatKevinMrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_Hatera_moriendi________HannahAnticsPortlandiaGirl____
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    boognish76__________MissMarieJay
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    It's good to know that 627 followers really means that 9 people star your shit. It's like I'm the slow kid who gets a participation trophy

    • 20
    • FAVS
    JihadPizzalauWineGMuscleMistress____kavonk____________BitchHedbergmermaid_tale__________jkramblesThatPazuzu
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    JustCallMeFrank
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    For Easter I bought my kids shocker collars. Yes, I realize it's more of a gift for me, but what parent would fault my logic?

    • 20
    • FAVS
    JihadPizzaMuscleMistress____NotThatKevinBtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_HaterCpez38bthemd
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    IRONNUMA
    IRONNUMA
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    I want to check favstar but first I need to turn my phone and then zoom 3 times.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____MrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_HaterDickensnycHannahAnticsHugh_BlackmaniShotaDeadGuy5_oclock_shadow__
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    disastrous007
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    9 different types of Visine and not one of them says "If you're stoned buy this one."

    • 16
    • FAVS
    NotThatKevinBtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye__________a_moriendi________HannahAnticsJohn_ArenaPortlandiaGirl____jomartin26
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    iwearpajamas______inebriacciFreckless
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Wife's superpower? Rejecting my sexuals advances. My superpower? The ability to drown out female voices and nod like I give a shit.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    MuscleMistress____NotThatKevinBtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye__________a_moriendi________HannahAnticsPortlandiaGirl____iShotaDeadGuy
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    UrbanHighlander
  • AssGazer
      Chicago Ass Gazer @AssGazer

    Told lady at work she is special. She says special how? I say like riding the short bus with a helmet on while drooling on yourself special.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    BtwnUandMeMrBrown_Eye__________Hoe_HaterDickensnycHappySunny0625PortlandiaGirl____5_oclock_shadow__Cherhole__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    UNCLEMIKETWEETS
@AssGazer

@AssGazer

I tend to wander aimlessly staring at the asses of women. Sometimes I take pictures of them and I post them here: http://t.co/f33t9zLHGh