If you haven't watched the epic rap battle of history between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. Do that.

Stop kissing Michelle's ass. She ruined country fried steak day.

@dudeitsaidan is making me favorited. C:

New trend game: At any given moment if someone yells out "INFOMERCIAL" you must melodramtically make the activity you are doing a disaster.

EVERYONE FIGHT ME.

I'm never wearing leggings to Walmart again. I was there for 15 minutes and heard 3 black men I walked past audibly say, "Damnnn". #super

How dare you open a space man's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets!

Just so everyone knows, my "Merry Christmas" texts are individual and I don't mass text them. Everyone who recieved one, I like a lot.

I get way more flattered when people compliment me on my intelligence or sense of humor, rather than looks. #MuchBiggerCompliment

The car was found and the people who took it. Looking forward to seeing who did it and putting them on blast. #StayTuned

Talk dirty to me Justin Timberlake.

@whitecamnewton you're right. A 90lb 28 year old who reminds me of buffalo bill would creep me out a lot less and I'd love to make out with.

@whitecamnewton Jonah. Youre younger than me, weigh ninety pounds, and remind me of buffalo bill. You referring to your penis is never okay.

#thatawkwardmoment when you see fish passing you on the way to school.

Mr. Schnake just called me a rapist and explained to me that no means no.

Anyone who has ever laid eyes on me knows I'm team eyeliner or die.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like sushi bars. I could really use some fish right now fish right now fish right now

Cannot put into words how depressed I am. I hate my job.

Everyone is all in their feelings.

No one can have me except you. The unfortunate part of that is your lack of desire to have me.