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My brain shake brings all the zombies to the yard and they're like "BLAAAARGH"
If your wife spends more taxpayer money on clothing than you do on Embassy defense #YouJustPulledAnObama
When life knocks me down it hurts my knee.
One day at a time. Breathe. That is all.
My dad's talking to the TV again. It's good that they're back to talking, I thought they had pissed each other off or something.
Is it just me, or is it just me?
If I just killed a hooker and stuffed her in the roomy trunk of an old-school Caddy I wouldn't tweet it. Or would I?
I star my own tweets all the time. Somebody has to.
You are thinking about genitals.
A lot of people say they're gonna quit FaceBook, but they don't. If FaceBook ever went bankrupt and disappeared...mass suicides.
There are two types of Americans. There are those who are secure enough in their marriage to not care who else marries, and there's the GOP.
You know who usually thinks casting blame is unproductive and unimportant? The person who screwed up.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
There's a war being waged in America. It's not the "haves" versus the "have nots", it's the "earns" versus the "want to takes".
I believe it was Nietzsche who once said "where the hell did I put my other sock?"
Provocateur, occasional philosopher, always real. Can you handle the @b0o experience?
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