Hey, there's a bright spot in my timeline and day. @smuttercup came back.

I'm looking at the cheap-ass candy my wife got and wondering how I'm going to get the egg off my house.

@25_vero I prefer whisky. But at least we have the sweet ass thing in common.

@25_vero Amazing... That's the exact title I was planning for my autobiography.

@nachosarah damn, you changed your avatar. I was still using that.

#BestThingsAboutBeingSingle forearm strength. -At least in one arm.

You can't smile like a doughnut. #ReasonsWeCantBeTogether

The least my wife could've done before taking the kid and dog away for 3 days would've been to fill the fridge w/ beer. Bullshit.

Plus, trying to rectify the underuse of the word "douchebag" in the software industry is dangerous business.

Found it necessary to create a "personal" Twitter account before the little voice in my head gets me fired.