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It takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm, but only 15 to say "It's called a clitoris and it's right here."
I'm not lookin for eternal love, but some lovin that lasts longer than 3mins would be nice...
Sext: A little role play tonite? We can pretend to be who we pretended to be back when we first started dating.
What? No boob pics?... Hell no, I'm 42, nursed 3 kids and haven't learned how to work the camera with my toes yet.
The best reception happens to be my bathroom. Just heard "where's your Mom?" My kid: "probably takin a shit, she's always takin shits"
When I was a kid you never saw "Don't try this at home" warnings because we weren't total morons back then
A gentleman is really just a patient wolf
Wait, younger guys hit on me but if I reciprocate I'm a cougar? These rules need revision.
Ugh, I'm bloated, constipated & have gas all at once. When I fart my ass let's out a high pitched whistle. It's a real mind fuck for the dog
I can't afford a boob lift, maybe I could just pierce my nipples and hoist them up with a necklace, like eyeglasses holders or something.
What's this cuddle bullshit? We're done here, roll the fuck over or leave.
Yeah, anal on the beach can be gritty and rough, but when you shit pearls a few months later you quickly realize it was worth it.
Do those girls that get multiple surgeries to look like Barbie have their nipples removed and their vaginas sewn shut as well?
Give that hitch a trailer. Hitches love trailers
I'm worried about my tweet. It didn't send, it didn't go to drafts. Its out there, somewhere, probably going to die all alone. Sorry Lil guy
My dog is licking her twat ferociously, snorting and grunting. Not sure if I'm disgusted or jealous.
Another cougar sighting?! I walk through town everyday & still haven't seen...hey, wait...what the..
My memory is excellent, like that lady in that tv show where she remembers everything.
Of all the men I'm not fucking, you're my favorite
I yinned when I should've yanged