WELL IF BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL ISNT THE BEST TIME TO ASK ABOUT A THREESOME THEN IM FRESH OUT OF IDEAS

Siri, how do you get Josh Hamilton out?

The good news in all of this, is that I set up my fantasy lineups beforehand. So there shall be no excuses at this point.

Raul Ibanez is the St Louis Cardinals funneled into one man.

That convinced me, I'm buying a farmer first thing tomorrow.

I'm known for being very helpful pic.twitter.com/eFnLcdNVi3

Bad news: doc says I might be one of those people who posts motivational nonsense all day on Facebook now :(

Culliver is so anti-gay that he refuses to even stay close to a man in coverage

Seth Smith ladies and gentlemen. http://t.co/gIp5MJSz

help. wife's been walking around all day sayin 'at least we know u won't be getting throat cancer' in a real sass tone. what is this

Does autocorrect have a brain injury edition? Jesus this shit's impossible

So in the infield? RT @ken_rosenthal STL fielders gathered in short CF to escape debris coming from stands.

thanks to @sniff009 for taking this pic and also to Cliff for being a goofy idiot http://t.co/dRiAfHCi

With this sweet new haircut and homemade Bane mask I'm off for a big day of yelling at tourists in Union Square.

interview prediction: Ray Lewis will kinda cry, yell a bit, and say a whole bunch of stuff that doesn't really make any sense

If asked, I'd say the best part of the offseason is not having to end everyday by showering with all of my co-workers.

Just walked in for a steroid pee test with my shirt off and the tester laughed and said "nevermind man. I think you're good" :(

"Crazy about this children's tylenol, can't believe they give it to kids."

Ugh Mondays right? @nflcommish

One game elimination and a call like that is made? Inexcusable