11am: Obama coins term #ROMNESIA. A few hours later: Republicans freak out and create the not-catchy-whatsoever term #OBAMANESIA.

I dunno, guys. A "muffin top" with a "butter face" sounds like a pretty delicious lady to me.

This election is like Thanksgiving dinner; half the family LOVES TURKEY and the other half wants to take away your reproductive rights.

It's 2013 why can't we teleport yet this is bullshit

Realizing someone you know hates gay marriage is like realizing someone's a hoarder, as you walk into their house full of dead cats

Polling update: Obama ahead with the popular vote! Romney still depending heavily upon the racist vote.

I'm not ready to die yet but I'm def ready to start haunting houses.

SO glad someone remixed Adele's "Someone Like You" because I love dancing and crying at the same time.

The opening acts were good, but there is too much football at this Beyonce concert.

Aw Romney's like a nervous 7th grader who really needs to pee, who's also sexist and hates poor people. #debate

Insanity is looking at facebook over and over again and expecting different results

So, now we just have a reality show to find The Next Pope. Right?

It's not a joke, friends!! This election is crucial. Let's get back to the future. #VoteObama

If Ke$ha had a perfume it'd just be cheese-whiz and lube.

Political Correctness: When white people freak out at each other for making observations

If I directed porn I would enjoy ruining it with musical numbers.

People think being nice = being a pushover. That is ridiculous. Fool I WILL CUT YOU with my kindness.

Paul Ryan has voted against a woman's right to choose 59 times. Thats like saying "HI, I'M THE WORST" 59 times.

I wonder if Jesus thinks it's weird so many assholes work for him.

Donald Trump's big announcement today: "I am a terrible, terrible person."