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140 character tweets don't seem like much until you realize you have like 15,000 of them.
Of course I retweet the same people over and over... can't you see that I'm in love?!?
Don't hate yourself... why be like everyone else who hates you.
My walls actually CAN talk... it's just so fucking boring in here, they have nothing to say.
Don't you hate it when something you really don't like happens?
Apparently our furnace is dead. Did the spouse:
A. call the repair guy
B. text me at work to take care of it
Hint: I'm still yelling at him
Girl are you in love with me or these Uggs
I only shave the parts of my legs I can reach. That's why I have soul patches under m'buns.
Two grown women in my office talking about dressing their dogs in Christmas clothes. That's it. that's the joke.
Whenever I start dating a new showgirl I always get her a nice dress to show off her set.
Over 98.2% of men will "miss the point" or "just not get it" while talking to a woman sometime today.
I'm going to spend the rest of the day talking like Jodie Foster in the movie Nell.
Bacon, butts, boobs, pussies and duck lips and those are just the pics from the people I don't follow.
India wants to outlaw homosexuality? Have they even SEEN any Bollywood movies?
Whenever a female show's me a picture of herself and four friends. I like to say "Wow, three of you look Gorgeous!" and then I take off...
Have you ever smelt a candle & thought to yourself "who the fuck would buy this???"
I'd say, go fuck yourselves but you freaks probably like that. So happy hump day!
My toddler just ate my parking ticket. Other than that I'm good.
It's my bad, get your own. With my eyes, that's how I roll .