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Someone please make a celebrity gossip magazine that only features character actors.
I love when Lifetime network just says fuck it and lists their movies as "Movie".
My favorite health food rapper is QuinoaTifah.
I hope that Boston cop who went undercover online as a punk rocker ends up being the one who catches this guy.
COMEDIANS ON TWITTER BE MAKIN' JOKES ABOUT CURRENT EVEEEEEENTS!!!!!!
I hope during the debates tonight a dog won't stop sniffing their crotches and they have to keep pushing it away while they talk
You know who loves belly dancing? Belly dancers. And nobody else.
How much lotion are you supposed to put on a hairless cat? I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
Imagine Cee Lo Green losing at lottery scratchers and yells SHIT and slams his fists onto a table and his chair breaks & he falls under it.
"Don't Doobie like that!" - Tom Petty popping his head into The Doobie Brothers rehearsal space and giving some advice.
Just solved The Mystery of the Missing Keys! They were still in the front door.
Have you ever cracked open a peanut and inside was a tiny naked version of yourself that disappears after a few seconds?
See you assholes later. I'm gonna go express myself through dance.
Somewhere out there Paz De La Huerta is writhing around naked and making terrible baby noises.
OH FUCK I FORGOT TO HAVE A PODCAST!
I'm surprised Johnny Depp hasn't launched his line of way too many accessories for Forever 41 yet.
There is no way Guy Fieri hasn't eaten one of those oxygen absorber packets from the bottom of a bag of beef jerky.
WHITE PEOPLE BE MAKIN' HOLOGRAMS LIKE "doot doot doot Help me Obi Wan" BUT BLACK PEOPLE BE MAKIN' HOLOGRAMS LIKE "WASSAAAAAP NIGGAAAAA!"
I didn't get the reputation for being Bad Billy Pratt by accident!