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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Gift @Bad_motorboater Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 30
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    I could see it in her eyes and smell it on her fingertips; there was no denying what she'd been doing.

    -Chopping Onions for salads

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    People that never wear sunglasses are the real wizards.

    • 19
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    And I huffed & I puffed & I blew the fucking half rolled blunt everywhere on the fucking counter while trying to tell a stupid fucking joke.

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Relationship status---pretending to do extensive yard work all day but really just hiding behind the shed so I can smoke my 1hitter in peace

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Tweet like your battery life depends on it.

    • 9
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    My spirit animal is just a stuffed animal on a string being pulled into traffic by unruly kids.

    • 10
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Bust a Move by Young MC is my favorite song about relocation services gone wrong.

    • 8
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Winning on Twitter might make you happy, but not *drunk girl in a sombrero on her birthday* happy.
    Well fuck...now I'm hungry.

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    at the hardware store

    "You shouldn't drink that coffee if you're prone to diarrhea."
    Puts down empty cup, clenches, sweats, holds ass, runs

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Me: Wanna try something different?
    Wife: (walks away, comes back wearing strap-on)
    Me:?
    Wife: Don't worry, I washed it
    Me: Oh
    Me: Wait.WHAT?

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Night Moves by Bob Seger is my favorite song about the consequences of not paying the rent for three months.

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Me: (thinking) people that wear bow ties in public should be choked
    Bow tie guy: you say something, Dad?
    Me: just thinking out loud, son

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Not sure what to do when your TC finds out about pics from another TC?
    Forward both to your wife.
    I'm sure her insight will be delightful.

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Regulate by Warren G is my favorite
    hip-hop song about relief from moderate to severe constipation. Ask your doctor if it's right for you.

    • 8
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Twitter should come with its own Surgeon General's warning.

    • 6
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Wife: (from upstairs) OK, you should be able to see my hotspot now
    Me: (passes out laughing, wakes up, laughs more, never gets wifi)
    Wife: ?

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    A quick thanks to all that have followed and to those that will in the future. Those that will never, I'm not mad @ the stupid fuckers. Fuck

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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    Wrong Way by Sublime is my favorite song about paying attention to where you're driving.

    Wait.

    Fuck that.

    I fucking hate that song.

    • 6
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  • Bad_motorboater
      . @Bad_motorboater

    4 yr old just found a video online of Batman driving McQueen on a half-pipe in NY,
    then dances with Joker.

    I think he's ready for Twitter.

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@Bad_motorboater

@Bad_motorboater

.

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