in Ca they want you to report drunk driver but i would need to break a law to do that by using my cell phone while driving u bastards

damn i hate when your getting a drink of cold water and the toilet seat falls on your head and you bite your tongue. anyone have a cure?

after a day putting flaming poo on door steps i come home relax and the door bell rings here is a fire and my foot smells shit KARMA

ever have one of those never ending farts you hope doesnt turn into a shit?

damn i wish the ppl that die at walmart would fall over so we could tell the difference between them and the workers.

aaww i lost a follower today hhmmm wonder wich tweet was the one that did it LOL

its sunny 80 degegrees i can see the ocean and the boss gives me this office with big windows then expects me to actualy work?

Hell yeah got email my adult book store is having a sidewalk sale that means twinks with hard ons YAY

ppl wonder y our country is backwards. we park in drive ways we drive on parkways and we have a CONgress wich is opp of PROgress go figure

ladies i love cottage cheesee but not on your ass and not seen though white pants and blk thongs

is it friday yet not that i need a reason to drink or toke it up but is easier to explain to the nieghbors y im naked in the yard

that car has pretty lights on it red and blue and they twinkle wish he would go around me tho.

i got a new follower omg omg omg

Happy ppl make a list of things to do crazy ppl try to finish the list smart ppl look at that list u made and take a nap

remember you can not rush perfection but you cant stop the pain either.

what is the propper etiquette for when your ass itches between ur crack and ur in public?

zimmerman is in secret hiding with Casey Anthony what cute kids they will have and kill together.

if a hawaian pizza is canadian bacon and pineapple what is a canadian pizza?

lord grant me the strength not to go tackle this co worker

i just had gi joe and ken having sex in the woods but dont know how Ken ended up on top.